The idea here is usually to just write in a glib fashion on whatever crosses my mind, but I’ve had a “disturbance in the force” to some degree. Two of my best friends were married today. These things happen, they certainly do, but one of the hardest concepts to face was that of not being able to be present for the moment that they’d been leading up to for years. I’m gonna assume that between the three of us we’re all gutted that I couldn’t be there. We all begrudgingly accepted the fact that life got in the way, placed us on separate paths and prevented me from taking a vivid mental snapshot. Do I have regrets? Definitely. I know that I would’ve been there standing to attention as she walked the aisle, looked at the pride and affection on his face, my eyes dewy with a combination of satisfaction and hope.
I’ve shed tears at weddings and fuck anyone who thinks any less of me for it. If you’ve got two people who you love and they’re taking a step towards enacting a symbolic covenant of trust between one another, how is that not a beautiful thing worthy of outward emotion? If you hear those words, see those looks and understand the culmination of years spent together, providing support, testing boundaries, learning one another’s inner fears and dreams, then how could you not conceive of the notion of “till death do us part?”
As it stands, I don’t know how the ceremony went. I haven’t heard their vows and I couldn’t experience those stirring moments for myself. I know they would’ve made a handsome couple and that they were surrounded by the people they loved who loved them in return. As much as I wish I was there, I know that what they have together transcends the need for ceremony, but (as Rob Schrab said about his own wedding (and I’m heavily paraphrasing here)), they’d run out of ways to show each other how much they loved one another.
See, I’ve known both the bride and groom since before they were joined in such a union, before the engagement, even before they were a couple. My annals of memory have specific portfolios on both individuals which supersede their connection under a larger umbrella. I remember watching teen movies and playing “spoons” with her, watching her systematically flood anyone who she met with joy. “Holy shit, she’s the best” all of my friends would say soon after meeting her. Sudden close connections with everyone she touched. I’d resent her for stealing my friends if I didn’t recognise exactly what they saw in her. I don’t know how she did/does it so easily, but it’s impossible to be around her without feeling that warmth. He and I used to hang out at the Northcote Tavern and drag back our mate with weaker constitution. He’s one of the best, most honest guys I know. You know exactly where you stand and it’s rare to come away from a discussion without holding a refreshing, previously unconsidered view on any given situation. He has you paralytic with laughter without even trying. He’ll have your back before you could even ask and if you’ve gotten in over your head, he’ll jump into the deep end behind you without a thought. I saw them meet, connect , grow closer and create something together that I can believe in without a second thought.
As much as I regret not being able to witness their wedding, I know that I don’t really need to be there to appreciate its outcome. I would’ve been there without a second thought, but I know them and I know what they’ve been through together. I’ve seen the bond that formed, the feelings they hold, the trust that exists and the tenacity with which these will hold strong. I know of their love and know that beyond the ceremony, it’s something they’ll have together for the rest of their lives.
I know that I don’t have to be there to feel their love and understand it. I’ve seen them smile at each other.
What more do I need to see?