Creed is fun to sing when you treat your voice like a whammy bar.

Isn’t it funny sometimes how long it takes you to “get” something? For that “eureka” moment to really hit? I couldn’t count the number of times that bolt of recognition has struck me like a fist from the heavens. Earlier I was getting into a rousing round of “Creedvoice” (basically when you perform any song in the style of Scott Stapp (that guy from Creed). Usually some form of modern rock à la Theory of a Deadman, Nickelback, StainD, etc) and found myself Creeding along to With Arms Wide Open (actually a Creed song. Empirically proven to be the most fun to Creedvoice). I stumbled over the lines “If I had just one wish/only one demand/I hope he’s not like me/I hope he understands” and instantly realised oh duh, he’s talking about God. I’ve sarcastically Creedily Creeded along to that song for years and never had that understanding, then suddenly out of nowhere, boom! Mass up my ass. Immoral soul up my hole. How could I go so long without picking up on the inherent meaning? It was a weird feeling, especially for something that I’m not strongly attached to.

Full disclosure, I just read the full lyrics and there’s zero doubt he’s talking about his son. I done fucked up, son. It sounds like he’s talking to God though, so I’m not entirely off.

It’s not the first time that something’s sunken in far later than I would’ve hoped. There was this moment stocktaking wigs at my party store part time job. I had to count the number of Beatles wigs. I read it and thought to myself wait, shouldn’t it be spelt “Beetles” like the band? Oh shit, the band is spelt “Beatles”. Beat-les. Like musical beats. Because they’re a musical band. You could hear the pennies I was getting paid drop one by one (that’s dumb, I was paid pretty decently, to be honest. Good part time job). I don’t feel so bad, some people I talk to still don’t get the whole Beatles naming convention. I may well have enlightened someone new simply by writing this. Who’s to say I don’t perform a public service?

How many things are floating out there just waiting for me to understand? Those plastic Kanye West glasses? Hipsters listening to cassettes in the modern day? People who wear hats or make-up inside the gym? Will it all hit me one day and I’ll start working out on the treadmill wearing Kanye West glasses, foundation and a hat, while grooving along to a groovy mix CD involving Deee-Lite‘s Groove Is In The Heart, and Spiller‘s Groovejet (If This Ain’t Love)? Because if I understand those things then maybe I’ll be able to understand anything.

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