Pokéballs do seem like they’d be snug places to sleep out the winter.

In the tradition of a horror fuelled Halloween, I had a spooky experience of my own at the Bloor/Yonge station yesterday. It was deeply unsettling, I had to grit my teeth and bite the bullet. Facing my fears… I used the public toilets. Terrifying, right? There was a line for the stall 4 people deep. The smells were unearthly, as if some dark ancient one brought the bowels of hell bubbling up past the earth’s crust. There were piles of toilet paper scattered across the floor like the bones of something from a past long gone. There were sounds emanating from that room known previously only to the realms of nightmares. Worst of all, after I had done my foul deed, the sensor didn’t activate, leaving the evidence in the bowl. Terrifying and soul scathing.

Also it snowed. SNOWED. In October. What subversion of the natural order does this? Fortunately I’d  brought an umbrella just in case of rain. What is snow if not really cold rain?

Aside from that though, Halloween was an absurdly fun spectacle. People had trouble pinning down my costume, unsure whether it was Abraham Lincoln or Charlie Chaplin. Close enough. The whole night was amazing. The streets and streetcars ran wild with characters. Just riding on the TTC was like fulfilling a childhood dream, seeing Pokémon, anime characters and super heroes alike all checking smart phones, reading books or swapping a bottle of what was obviously rocket fuel between friends. The most wonderful time of the year. Sights included:

  • A teenager dressed in Arabic garb, putting on a Borat accent. Sigh. I thought this generation of social justice warriors were better than we were? Well, if there’s a constant, it’s that teenage boys will be racist until they know better.
  • Many Finn the Human get ups. On the bus heading to the party, one of them was sitting next to a girl with the perfect stovepipe hat. Thinking of the shitty pseudo fedora that adorned my dome, I radiated pure envy her way.
  • A perfect Ron Burgundy/Veronica Corningstone couples costume. Immaculate costumes with professional looking props. People here do things right.
  • Sailor Moon, Stan from South Park, Wednesday Adams, Kang and Kodos from The Simpsons. Some decent throwback costumes all around.
  • No Jian Ghomeshi costumes. I’m glad some people were able to hold back from that impulse. Actually too soon.
  • A regret laden Lara Croft. “It’s snowing on Halloween? Didn’t Mean Girls teach us that we’re meant to show skin tonight?”
  • 2am, the same girl from the bus ride to the party. “Wait, are you that Lincoln Hitler guy from Rick and Morty?” Success. I mentioned my difficulty in finding the proper hat. She said she had no interest in going out tonight, so offered to swap hats. See guys, Halloween is magical.
  • A towering ape man in a green winter coat. “Hey, you’re Leon, right? You were Wolverine last night?” Toronto: Big city, small town.

One last night of Halloween tonight. It’s like Atheist Jew Christmas. Can’t we just wear costumes always? This is why I need a Snorlax kigurumi. Need, not want. I just want to spend winter as a Pokémon. Is that too much to ask?


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