Does a guy who loves Christmas in LA get a Hollywood?

I’m sure it’s no new sentiment that Christmas materialises earlier each year. We haven’t finished November yet, but the aisles are adorned with festive merchandise and stations added carols to their playlist (double down?). As soon as Halloween (de)ceased, garlands crept like brambles over its corpse. Things got jolly pretty quick and most people seem to have adopted it with an open heart and eager hands. I’m not the biggest fan, but I get Christmas in winter. It makes more sense. With age has also come the wisdom of knowing that just because something isn’t for me, that’s no reason I have to get in a shitty mood. Not when I can choose to ignore it instead.

There are nice things about Christmas though. Christmas parties, for one. I use the plural intentionally here, because I’m lucky enough to have accrued two. One from my former job, another for my looming employment. From the Kiwi cafe, we’re going on a boat cruise/dinner. Having not spent much time out on the harbour, it’s an awesome chance to see a different side of Toronto and “O Captain! My Captain” the hell of the evening. It’ll also be swell getting reacquainted with my former co-workers and let them know how the job is going. A week later I’m invited to another nautically themed shindig at my new job. They’ve hired out the Ripley’s Aquarium so I can see my much loved cuttlefish. Maybe mingling with co-workers too. I get to bring a guest, who I’ll proceed to openly ignore in favour of spending time with the cuttlefish. It’s fine though, if they’re bored they can just hang out with cuttlefish. Cuttlefish in captivity get sad sometimes, they need the company. Win/win. There’ll be food and drinks too, which I may not share with the cuttlefish. Their diets are quite particular. It seems like a great idea for a staff party though and obviously it showcases one of the great things about working for a corporation again: Perks.

When St Nicolas inevitably shows his jolly visage, other thoughts arise. How am I gonna spend my holidays? I get holidays this year. Outstanding. Being Jewish and having my Toronto family likely on a holiday of their own, I turn to my true family: My mates. With two lifelong friends spending a year here, they’re the family I know best. We’ve resolved to mimic Thanksgiving in throwing a misfits Christmas. They’ve come from large Xmas obsessed families and they’re looking forward to some relief this year. No assortment of presents to accrue or potential familial dramas to assuage. Just a few good friends having their own get together. We’ve resolved to make the day whatever we want, so now it’s my task to figure out what we need to make it so. A few things I’ve considered:

  • Creating nativity scenes composed solely of edible material. Devouring said scenes.
  • A slow cooker filled with mulled wine.
  • Eggnog ice cream sundaes.
  • A playlist of every ill-conceived Christmas carol we can find involving B-grade celebrities.
  • Home made dinosaur shaped chicken nuggets (because dinosaurs).
  • There’s gotta be some kind of secret Santa style game. We’ll need to recruit a few more people though.

I’m actually out of suggestions. I don’t know how I’m supposed to celebrate, my normal Southern Hemisphere festivities would involve beers, sun and bbq. This side of the world is still so foreign to me when it comes to Jesus’ birthday. Maybe I’ll have to crowd source. surely there are people out there with great ideas on how to kick it old yule. As long as we skip Snoopy’s Christmas. I can usually handle about 12 plays of the song per year. I’m sitting at 6 already, December’s gonna get tight. I’m not that into the holiday, but I wonder if going caroling would be fun. If the play is still to experience everything Canada has to offer with an open mind, should I put myself out there in its midst and give it my best? Now I wish I hadn’t wasted that Carole King bit, I could’ve finished with a fantastic pun.


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