Now THAT’s change we can believe in.

I just learned that Black Friday is a thing in my life now if I so desire. In a hopeless attempt to retain Canadian dollars, retailers are now attempting to compete with American franchises in their door-crashing deals. I don’t know that they’re particularly good at it though. Blame my Jewish heritage, but I can’t be the only one to be consistently underwhelmed by sales I see. I know marking up to mark down is a thing, but if I’m looking for a non-essential, unless something has a discount of larger than 40% I usually won’t even consider it. I don’t really have any concept of how much things should cost either. I was at Winners yesterday looking for some work shirts (spoiler: I failed. Today (day 3 of employment) I’d run out of nice shirts to wear, so I resorted to cannibalising an old Captain Mal Reynolds Halloween costume for its red buttoned shirt. Tomorrow I think I resort to wearing a nice woolen sweatshirt to hide the fact that I don’t know how to dress like an adult). Most of them were around the $30 price point, which I considered expensive. Looking at the price tags, I saw they’d all been reduced from around $80+, which seems like a good deal. It made me realise that I just don’t know what I should be paying at all. In my head I guess I’d considered shirts costing $15-20, but if I’ll pay $15 for a meal, surely paying twice that for something I’d wear once a week seems only fair?

This ignorance of price extends to shoes, pants and wallets. What do these things cost? I think my reasoning is stuck 30 years in the past from some mythical past life of mine. My last leather wallet (bought in Melbourne) cost $10. I’d always had issues with it being too bulky. It’d mean that whenever I went out I’d have a large square of fabric sticking out of my leg. If I was wearing tight jeans, I’d have to ditch the wallet and grab only essential cards to keep myself from looking absurd. Now the back pocket has torn, flapping open and leaving my small change at the mercy of quick fingered passers by. It’s evident that I need a new wallet. If only I wasn’t so picky. On the surface it seems like my demands are simple. I want something that is slim, sturdy, but allows me to carry coins. Let’s say 6 cards, 8 notes and a collection of small change. Is it asking too much to have all of this in a package less than 1cm thick? Is it too much for this to be black/brown and bi-fold? Am I being overly demanding wanting this for $30 or less? I want it to hold money while being convenient and non-intrusive. I don’t need screeds of sleeves, extra card pockets or transparent panels. If only Canada wasn’t still a cash economy, I wouldn’t even need the room for coins. But it is, so this is a concern.

I guess what I really want in a wallet is an assurance that I don’t need to withdraw money in case of going out for a meal or a drink at a bar. I think this wallet needs the innate ability to shift Canadian currency habits. Is tipping still a thing? I guess small change will be too. All I’m wanting from a wallet is a small bit of change of a country’s major physical fiscal fiasco. If it could appear at will, summoned like Iron Man‘s armour, that would be handy. Does this need to be a bio-hack? Maybe some kind of RFID implant in my fingerprints, password as a vocal cue. A digital transaction (if this were a joke, I’d consider it bitcoin)? Would I need to start wearing gloves? Would the gloves themselves function as a type of wallet, unsheathing my currency? Fingerprints are already digitally scanned at US immigration, is the notion really so far fetched? They’ve got paywave, why not indexchange?

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