Well it looks like I’ve finally joined the land of the tech savvy. I gots mahself a new telemaphone. When I say “new” I mean nigh year old, but closer to the modern standard than my previous old chunk o’ mini computer. Will it stand the test of time against my inimitable Samsung Galaxy S2? Of course not, because as my first real smartphone I built it up as the stuff of legends. As it stands though, this thing has more ram and faster data capabilities. The Moto G LTE. It’s a budget phone with decent specs, enough to run what I need amply. Considering my current uses of a smartphone are texting, Gmail, Facebook, note writing, maps and flashlight, my old one probably would’ve been fine if it processed at a speedier than snail’s pace. Taking 13 seconds to load a text app was sub optimal. Instant speed is much more my style.
Of course starting with a new device is never as simple as running it straight out of the box. Motorola has some new great app called Motorola Migrate that can at least push over your data from the old to new device. It means you don’t need to fuck around figuring out how to back up texts and contacts, instead it imports them directly. Mega fancy, mega handy. Fancy handy? Fandy? Hancy? Quick. Quicker than it took me to settle on a decent portmanteau anyway. Even with this function, I’m still some ways behind running my phone as I like it. So many apps to download just to reach the state of equilibrium I’d found with my old device. Of course the old theme I had isn’t available, so I need to find something else minimalist that facilitates smooth operation. Is a theme that important? Not really, but I need to find something that doesn’t piss me off to look at. Harder than you’d think.
Then there’s all the customisation I’m used to. Swiftkey needs to be personalised, I need swipepad set up to give me access to apps on the fly. What weather app will I go for? Can this phone actually use widgets without breaking in two? Maybe that’s worth exploring. You forget half the apps you use on a regular basis and now with a potential 8 gigs of internal storage (as opposed to 1) I can have more than 10 non-default apps installed. Oh frabjous day! So off I go to find just how identical I can make my operation to my previous habits, before expanding into new areas.
Just what can I do with this new toy? The last one had zero battery life, which cut down on any location services/GPS shenanigans. Does this mean I can create location based settings? Silent at work/gym, but active at home? Data while away from home, but instantly switching to wifi when I arrive back (without leaving the thing searching for wifi spots all day)? With a rip roaring battery life, can I actually leave the brightness off the bare minimum, enabling me to see in sunlight without squinting and creating shade with my hand? Google recognises Australian as a language. Maybe it’ll even be able to understand my Kiwi tongue. Does this mean I can talk to my phone like any old streetcar asshole? I can re-enact my favourite social disengagement scene from Her. Dreams are coming true, dudes and dudettes.
Truth be told, I don’t even know what a phone is capable of now. I’m gonna need to farm for app suggestions to enrich my life in every single unnecessary fashion. I don’t know that it’s gonna make me scramble for constant selfies, but I may be able to find movie times and addresses in less than 10 minutes. That’s some serious upgrade to my existence. I’m basically a cyborg now with a detachable adjuvant brain. I am the future, just with a phone from a year in the past. TIME TRAVEL IS REAL. I’M LIVING IT. I mean, we’re all living it, we’re just travelling through it in perpetual constant motion. But that’s not nearly as fun, right? So really guys, what time travel app has the highest Play Store rating?