She can take a look at me now. Thanks Phil.

I’ve often said that Toronto is the biggest small town I’ve ever lived in. Remarkable, considering it has about a hundred times the population of the last small town I lived in. Still, I seem to continuously run into people I know all over the place. You could blame this on similar interests. I find large intersections between disparate groups of friends based simply on hobbies or tastes. The number of friends who seemed to connect at my party the other day was at least mildly indicative of that. I’ve long held a belief that if people find something in me that calls to them, they should find the same thing in each other. So based on this, I shouldn’t be so surprised at the frequency with which I spot friendly souls…

…on online dating.

It happens. Being a city (/large small town. Semantics, yo) with a large population, I was bound to have a ton of matches. I do, with plenty over 90%. Given my predilection for finding my folk around the place, it stands to reason that they’d show up in my matches. Friends and friends of friends, one or two who I’ve shared a kiss or so with. Some friends whom I’d actually messaged far back before I knew them. Either they’re devout humanitarians and just don’t want to embarrass me, or they just haven’t connected the dots. Whichever it is, they haven’t brought it up. Relief abounds. It’s more humorous than anything seeing friends show up on there. I don’t take much stock in the algorithm. It has some bearing on compatibility, in that it tells me that anyone above 90% is unlikely to be racist, homophobic or likely to use the term “turnt” sincerely. That adequately describes most of my friends. It’s not completely without its charms though. I find that once I’ve located someone cute (because let’s be honest, we all take some stock in that) with a high match percentage, similar or intriguing interests and good answers to their questions, I can see virtue enough to contemplate how I’d message them if I had the moxie on hand. Still, no matter how much trawling I did, there was one friend I just couldn’t find…

…my girlfriend.

Unbeknownst to me, she’d been trying the same thing. No matter what combinations or permutations of qualities, interests or values, we couldn’t track each other down. We often told ourselves to quit it, that if we weren’t finding one another in our high percentage matches, we weren’t gonna like what we saw.

How do I know this? Because I asked her.

Joining forces, we filtered everything I knew about my profile into her app. Nada. We tried other options, but still zilch. No matter what we put in, I was nowhere in her eligible suitors. Switching up to the big guns, we tried searching her on my computer. Still, even with identical parameters to her profile, it wouldn’t show up. We scrolled and scrolled unsuccessfully. We shared a few high matches, but none of whom were one another.

Final straw, we simply searched her username. She came up. It wouldn’t let me click. At this point I think the suspense was getting to us. Click, click, clickclickclick. No dice. Or profile. Exasperated, I right-clicked to discover I could open it in a new tab. We drumrolled and discovered…

95% match.

Perfectly fine. Nothing to worry about. Fears allayed we read each other’s profiles, which proved to be quite charming. Still no idea why the site protested so heavily against us meeting, but against all odds we persevered and triumphed.

I wonder if she wants to go on a date sometime. I should message her.

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