Working through some shit.

Server maintenance at work means that progress doesn’t exist right now. Because of the public holiday we’ve gotta get through an extra few days worth of logs. By now (2pm) on a double log day I’d usually be most of the way through my second large log. Right now I’ve barely started my first. Our team has been getting so many error messages we’ve considered starting up an error message bingo grid. Maybe I’ll just sleep here tonight. Aaaand it just deleted all the work I’d done over the past 40 minutes. Well fuck, Emily. Also this is being written intermittently as the server stalls. So I’ve just replicated the work I did and lost. At this stage I’m a mere 3 hours behind schedule. Good thing tonight’s booked off as a quiet night.

Things have been anything but quiet recently. It feels like in lieu of having responsibilities (reviewing, etc) I’ve compensated by filling every available night with something social. This past weekend was crammed full of people, activities, locations and elaborate costume changes. Maybe I need to employ stage hands to keep things running smoothly. I’ve also been cramming in as much time as possible with my girlfriend (oops, innuendous phrasing there). She’s leaving on holiday today for two weeks and to compensate for a lack of gooey mushiness we spent more time than usual just hanging out, being sociable and/or couple-y. Correction, we’ve been obnoxiously gross and couple-y. Too bad. Since we’re not gonna be able to share Valentines Day we took the whole of last weekend instead.

I don’t know if it was a great idea or the worst idea ever. Getting high on oxytocin, feeling the love and affection radiating constantly was amazing and brought enough tender, mischievous or just plain sexy memories to last the two weeks. On the other hand, she catches her flight right about now and I’m already heavily suffering from withdrawal symptoms. Today I’ve been slow and mopy, my body craving the intimacy it’s grown accustomed to. My mood’s been dour, with caffeine doing little to perk me up. If this is day one, how am I gonna be come day 3? Day 7? Day 10? This sounds so immature and dumb, but I really do miss her already. I think just hearing that she’s landed safe will lift the mood anyway. Jeez, I sound so needy. Who is this person that’s writing right now? Or is this just what it is to open yourself up to caring?

It’s weird, but this sensation feels so new. I mean, I’ve been away from partners before, but it hasn’t really hit like this. I’m gonna blame the huge metaphorical syringe of emotional and physical intimacy I just mainlined. Also she’s a pretty wonderful person who brings things out in me I think I’ve been afraid to let out with others. That could also be the hypodermic infusion I previously mentioned.

Time has passed, work was shite. I got out to the gym and exerted myself, which has left me feeling a lot calmer and at peace. Things will be fine, I’ll be fine and I can’t wait to hear about how amazing her trip is. She landed safe and she’s with her mum, so all is good. I’m gonna spend the next two weeks enjoying/occupying myself, getting out and spending time with friends. The internet exists, right? If she feels like sending me a message or two, I can get the cliff notes of her highlights. Then in all of two weeks I can hear the full story.

Maybe the server will even be fixed by then.


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