If wall of text works as a filter, maybe I’ll find just the right flatmate.

I need a flatmate. I figure the internet is good for stuff. Maybe it’ll help me here. This is what a craigslist message of mine reads like (TL;DR, it’s too long):

Are you looking to find a palace for zero dinero? Yeah, you’re shit out of luck here too, pal.

This is still a great place though. It’s on a quiet residential street with excellent TTC access (including a 24 hour bus route) and a 24 hour supermarket a mere 5 minute walk away. Not far from The Annex, lower Ossington, The Junction, etc.

I’m looking for someone to move in on April 1st. The rent is month to month with first/last required, but it’d be great if I could lock someone in by the end of February. Because you might have notice to give too.

That says nothing about the place itself though. The apartment is at street level in a 3 level house. There’s a quiet dude who lives in the basement. I think I’ve met him about twice in the past year. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t skin people for a living. I think I’d smell that.There are two friendly gals who live above. You don’t hear a heap out of ’em, but they’re usually happy to chat if they’re hanging out in the backyard.

The room isn’t massive, but it’s big enough for a double/queen bed and a desk, plus comes equipped with a huge wardrobe. It probably could be nice if you had any interior design skills. Myself and my soon to be ex-flatmate don’t. Given that it’s not palatial, the landlord probably wouldn’t flip his shit if you wanted to hang something up. The ex, ex, ex flatmates were artists and put up heaps of things.

All the amenities are covered. There’s a fridge, oven, microwave, blender, table, soundbar, couch and fully equipped kitchen. There are also streamers hanging from the roof, but that’s cause I thought they looked nice and decided not to take them down after a party. As I said, I have no interior design skills. If you do, there’s a lot that could be done with the place. I’m open to change.

There’s a car park available if you need it. There’s a washer and dryer onsite. The rent includes all utilities except internet. That’s $35 a month for a 50Mb connection, 400 gig bandwidth. I think it’s a pretty good deal, that’s why I’m sticking around instead of moving out.

So who am I looking for? Well just don’t be a dick. I’m hoping for someone sex positive and LGBT friendly, not because (as a straight white cis dude) it’s important for my orientation, but because I generally think people who don’t arbitrarily hate others are just better humans.

If you know how to clean up after yourself, that’s excellent. I don’t care if your room is a tip and you choose to sleep on a pile of refuse (Wreck-It Ralph did that and he was a good dude), but if you spill something, wipe it up. Do your dishes before they start to smell. If you know how to use a mop and vacuum, you’ve got it covered.

As for me, I’m a friendly New Zealand guy in his late 20s. My flatmate is a friend who’s moving out because he bought a condo, not because I’m a bad person. Or so he tells me. I work in television and am kind of pop-culturally obsessed in general. I’m an unabashed geek, but that doesn’t immediately mean I’m uncool these days. I mean, I’m not “cool”, but not because I’m a geek. It’s more because of the puns and dad-jokes. I’m usually happy to sit down and shoot the shit at the end of the day. Why do I feel like this suddenly became an online profile? If you do happen to enjoy long moonlit walks on the beach though, that would be bitchin’. Just sayin’.

Also sorry for the crappy photos. I’ve got a potato camera on a potato phone. It looks better in reality. If you’re a swell person, email me and have a look.


2 responses to “If wall of text works as a filter, maybe I’ll find just the right flatmate.

  1. Pingback: So now the dilemma, do we call the place The Amazing Spider-Flat or the Flatcave? | I have my doubts

  2. Pingback: Undisputedly a case of missing persons. | I have my doubts

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