It didn’t take long for potential flatmates to start flooding in. I wouldn’t say there was a throng (then why did you use the word “flooding” dingus? I thought the point of this was to become a better writer? Yeah, but isn’t part of that recognising and making mistakes? That may well be, but shouldn’t you be past some of the baser stuff like that? I mean, it’s not like you can’t edit your own writing here. But the point is to just get used to putting out volume and hoping that style comes through after some time. Well how’s that working out for you? Admittedly not great. I mean, this whole inner dialogue would’ve probably been better suited to be formatted as a conversation. You’re right, well it’s not too late for that. Yep, let’s do it:
L: Wait, so I’m L?
R: Yeah, we’re separated into L and R for Left and Right side.
L: But that’s arbitrary, our personalities aren’t even reminiscent of the dichotomous separation between the two sides of the brain.
R: Yeah, but A/B or 1/2 seemed so done.
L: Well why not at least give us proper names starting with these letters?
Ralph: I can’t argue there.
Lorenzo: Are we even really arguing any more?
Ralph: Nah, this has just become a chat. I kind of forgot what we were even arguing about before.
Lorenzo: Well we were talking about stylistic disagreements and lacklustre word choice.
Ralph: Well lacklustre wasn’t a bad word to use.
Lorenzo: Did we really just self-fellate over our own word choice? That o’erleapt narcissism to become something truly vile.
Ralph: The fact that we’re talking about ourselves when we obviously set out to discuss the wealth of candidates that responded to the flatmate wanted ad is kind of sickening.
Lorenzo: Unfolds a paper cup If you’re gonna spew… Spew in this.
Ralph: Sick reference bro. Your references are out of control.
Lorenzo: You’re responding to my reference with another reference? Are you trying to enact some kind of Double Jeopardy style defence for us here?
Ralph: Even I’m getting tired of this now and if I am, I’m sure you are.
Lorenzo: Yeah, considering we didn’t even try to differentiate between the two of us.
Ralph: So it’s really just one dude typing out a fictional inner-monologue? Isn’t that sad?
Ralph: So let’s talk about someone/thing else for a change. How about this whole flatmate search experience?
Lorenzo: Right. So something that worked out great has been calling for “sex positive LGBT friendly people”.
Ralph: Well, yeah. It makes sense. Given that most of your friends fit into that category, you’re just like calling for likeness.
Lorenzo: But there’s actually been an LGBT response too.
Ralph: One guy who refers to himself as a “big gay nerd” and has a cool job, and a folk musician pop culturally obsessed gal with an ex-girlfriend here in Toronto.
Lorenzo: Both people seemed to radiate personality and sound like they’d be a pleasure to live with. But you’ve got a weird bias about this, right?
Ralph: Admittedly I do. I’ve gotta be honest here, I’ve got unfair stereotypes of LGBT people.
Lorenzo: Go on…
Ralph: Well it’s based on past experience.
Lorenzo: I feel like I should be worried. Technically though I am you, so I shouldn’t be too worried. Unless this is some Mr Hyde stuff coming to the fore…
Ralph: Okay, here it is. I’ve got unfair expectations for LGBT people because the vast majority of them I’ve known throughout the years have been clever, intelligent, sophisticated people.
Lorenzo: Statistically speaking as a cross section of the population, there have to be some who aren’t.
Ralph: Well if there are, I don’t run into them. Maybe I just cruise with the wrong/right crews.
Lorenzo: Your usage of the word “cruise” was incredible right then.
Ralph: Entirely unintentional.
Lorenzo: The best things are. So this doesn’t mean you’re so set on finding someone LGBT that you’ll look past other applicants, right? You wanna find someone who suits regardless of orientation.
Ralph: Of course. There’ve been a variety of people (not a flood, but adequate numbers) sending in emails. Most seem of the geeky persuasion and sound like they’d be enjoyable to share a drink with.
Lorenzo: Well that’s a big thing. You’re looking for someone who has a personality that you could stand, but also could stand you.
Ralph: Yep. As my new quick bio reads: I’m a large child who loves Dad Jokes. I could see how that’d get annoying for most people.
Lorenzo: You can be annoying at times. And self-indulgent at times.
Ralph: You would say that, wouldn’t you?
Lorenzo: If anyone could say it on good authority, wouldn’t it be me?
Ralph: Harsh but fair. Shouldn’t you be sleeping by the way?
Lorenzo: Oh yeah, I’ve got people coming over to view the place tomorrow night. Sleep well dude.
Ralph: You too bud. Dream pleasantly of fluffy things.
Lorenzo: Night night.