I just shat simultaneously with a guy in the stall next to me. Our toots formed a harmonious union. I want to call it a poo-et with every fiber of my being. The same fiber that contributed to my hearty timbre. Some Good Vibrations there, eh Marky Mark? Is this resonating with anyone? Or do you prefer dry humour?
Because then that would make these jokes a waste product.
Dumb. That’s ok though. As long as I’m fine with it, there’s no issue. Speaking of issues and shitty things though, my crossfit gym has boosted the membership by $10 a month. It’s kind of annoying, considering the membership already costs too much per month. It’s jumped from $140 to $150, which post-tax now works out to $169.50 for a 3-day per week membership. That’s about $14 every time I want to go to the gym. Heaps bro, heaps. I guess it works as incentive to at least hit those 3 sessions though, seeing as it’s costing me $14 to skip a session. The next option from here is if I decide I want to take the hit and go for an unlimited membership. I was doing it back home and managing 5 or 6 sessions per week. Since I’ve started here though I haven’t had the stamina or inclination to go that often. 3 times a week works me enough and I’m happy with the results. Still, the more I go the faster I rebound. Even going 1 extra time each week would make it worth it and it’d help drive me towards where I’m looking to get.
Thing is, unlimited would put the cost up to $175 per month. That’s a hefty jump, considering it doesn’t even take tax into the equation. That’d push me up paying over $2000 a year to work out. Ridiculous. That’s beyond an absurd amount of money. Then again devils advocate jumps in and tells me that while I’m griping about an extra $10 per month, I just bought a beer that cost $9. One fewer beer per month would mean I could continue on with the status quo otherwise unaffected. Then I look at coffee consumption. One coffee at a cafe costs around $5. 7 a week would be $35. If I do that every day that’s $1820. Realistically I’d probably spend closer to $1700, but that’s still a heavy amount. So here I am griping about money spent on something that actively makes me feel better when I’m regularly shelling out for something that puts a temporary band-aid on my fatigue before taking its pound of flesh.
The next question, I guess, is could I give up coffee? I’ve given it up before on a temporary basis. I’ve taken a month off here and there. Inevitably though I end up going back. The sleep deprivation that’s become so characteristic of my existence demands that shot of caffeine and chocolate that only a nicely made mocha can satisfy. Then another one from the work machine at 11am, because boredom and accessibility. Listening to a podcast the other day, someone said they’ve heard caffeine is the hardest drug to drop. They said they’d talked to people with all manner of substance abuse issues, but the first cup of coffee after a long absence didn’t raise the question of if they’d get addicted again, but how long and in what kind of frequency. A pregnant girl at work had her first cup in some time the other day. Now she considers joining our adventures upstairs to the work machine. She thinks about the idea of pouring a cup not to drink, just for the smell. Maybe one or two sips. Wanna stop me before this sounds like the behaviour of an addict?
I hope nobody was hoping I’d find resolution here. My only resolution right now is to finish Seinfeld before the end of the year, but I’m at the end of season 2 and haven’t watched an episode for about 2 months. That’s how I do with resolutions. Will I just pay for the extra $10? Probably. I can afford it but I won’t be happy about it. Then in a few months I’ll just forget and go on with my life. I’ll consider dropping or cutting out the coffee, but any attempts will just drive me back to where I am right now. As I’ve said before, my life is a sitcom. What’s a sitcom for if not rigidly maintaining the status quo?