Shut up Meatloaf, let me sleep on it.

I need to sleep, so I need to write. Simple. Also someone upstairs might be having sex. I can’t tell. If they are it’s a pretty decent BPM (Bumps? Bones?). I think it stopped, which either means they finished, switched it up to something less aggressive or they were simply hanging picture frames at 11.30pm. Whichever, I don’t care.

Speaking of being hung up and people having sex, why do people get so shitty about hearing people have sex? Is it really that intrusive a sound? Unless it’s consistently obnoxious with loud moans and bumps late at night, I don’t really get what the big deal is. People fuck, that’s how we get more people. It’s the circle of life. Rafiki would be proud and so should you. These people are having a good time that has nothing to do with you. Headboard banging’s back, I guess they’re not done. No biggie. If I hear it, I get happy that people are (presumably) enjoying themselves. Then again, I don’t know if I’ve ever been in a living situation where it was all around me at all times. I’ve probably been half of that couple once or twice, which might be why I’m so willing to forgive others. If you’re really getting into the thrust of things it’s sometimes hard to shove your fist in your mouth or keep you jaw clamped shut. Headboards are public enemy no. 1, though I’ve bounced my fair share of beds across wooden floors. It’s no joke. If you’re turned away from the wall, beds have legs, will travel.

I’ve been trying to figure out what would be the best type of bed to get that balances successful solipsism with sensual suitability. No idea. Memory foam seems like it’d be good at minimising noise, but whoever was on the bottom would be mired, incapable of moving. I like the regalia of a headboard, but I’ve got no idea how to have my cake and eat out too. If you have it right next to the wall it’s gonna hammer away, but if you intentionally pull the bed away from the wall you’re losing space in your room. The difference between carpet and wooden floors is significant (though that’s not something I’ll have control over until I get my own place), especially if you have a habit of bouncing in the act. Fuck slats. Or rather, don’t fuck on slats. Maybe this is personal bias, but I hate ’em. They’re noisy as shit, don’t offer the right amount of support and they fall out periodically. The prime idea seems to be ditching the box spring and just going with a mattress on the floor, but in my room I’d come up with the issue of being dwarfed by my bedside tables, deployed in a pincer position.

Anyone out there have advice? This guide seems to indicate that latex mattresses are probably a good call, but that says nothing for the surrounding frame. A quick reddit search indicated that steel frames held their own, while interlocking cardboard frames might be better than one would expect. Science, eh?

Who knows, man? All I know is that I got so absorbed into this writing that I forgot all about the couple upstairs, who’ve finished by now. Just in time for me to sleep.

Goodnight Kiwi.


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