Is it a sign of adulthood when you wake up just before your alarm would be set to go off, except it’s a weekend?
I swear sometimes your brain is just trying to mess with you at the behest of your best intentions. That last sentence had some badass assonance. Just sayin’. It’s now about the time I wanted to get up, except I’ve been awake for 2 hours. On one hand I’m impressed that I’ve taken the time that would’ve been spent frivolously wasting the day away. Instead I’ve frivolously wasted it catching up on TV and the internet. Concurrently my eyes feel heavy. I’m doing nothing to shift the bags under my eyes, something that I’m resigned to admit are probably here to stay, despite best efforts to aim for 8 hours sleep a day.
BORING. For fuck’s sake, surely I’ve got more going on here than insipid mundanity. What’s on my mind? I just need something to latch onto…
Okay. Someone just posted a comment on my previous entry. Passionate! #Thetrainer. Am I an asshole? Or is this meaningless drivel that some dude or algorithm has written in an attempt to drive traffic to his site? I don’t get it. Well I do, but I don’t. I understand why it was done, but I can’t empathise with these motives. From what I do understand (and that’s very little), wordpress seems to be a mélange of personal blogging and SEO/SEM driven clickbait. People either want to Google bomb, express themselves or somehow hit the big time and go viral. Hitting the big time is finding a way to make this a viable income stream. Going viral seems akin to being an actor and getting plucked for a major film/TV role out of nowhere. It’s unexpected, but can lead to untold exposure and rewards. It’s that rainbow coloured pot o’ gold that everyone seeks, but few find.
That’s hard though and that success seems to be contingent on a confluence of talent, timing and luck. Those things are hard to come by and the great unwashed on here will likely never come by them. Myself included. It’s not a big deal to me. I never started this looking for exposure. It’s nice having a repository for errant thoughts, a font for festering creativity and failing anything, somewhere to vent about shit. Sometimes literally. Yes, that was a poop joke. Because most people on here, like the many actor/waitstaff in LA, know they’re probably not gonna hit the big time, they try to hedge their bets. There’s a community on here, but one gelled together by attempted social climbing and leveraging peoples desire for validation into personal exposure. People like other people’s posts, follow others in an attempt to drive traffic back their way. I might be entirely wrong, but so much of this site seems to be unflinchingly insincere. I’ve had a few neat conversations in the comments section, but they’re the exception proving that I rule. Dumb. This is clearly why no humans follow me.
It’s a bummer, that’s all. I’ve never aimed to be part of the community (I just don’t have the time or inclination. We’ll save that for once I finally accomplish my New Years’ resolution and finish Seinfeld. I haven’t watched in 3 months. That‘s how well it’s going), but from what I’ve seen I don’t really want to. The romantic part of me would hope that there’s genuine compassion and desire to see people succeed, to congratulate people on their work and foster a well-meaning sense of genial support. But people will ever be people and people will ever be driven by selfish motivations, questing for validation and craving people to tell them they’re worth a damn in this world. It’s hard to offer that in a faceless message delivered on a computer screen with total sincerity. If your motives can’t be seen, it only seems to encourage this kind of mentality.
For all I know though, I’m just the eerie curmudgeon literally and figuratively masturbating in the corner. “The yooves” have their clique and I refuse to be a part of a community that isn’t effortless to be a part of. I can’t tell if I sound more like a grumpy centenarian or entitled child right now. Tell me Schroedinger, which will it be?