In any case, they’re just being Miley.

We’ve got new interns at work. They might just be shy on their second day, but they’re pretty quiet. In the words of the inimitable Kevin Sorbo: DISAPPOINTED! The last ones were loquacious and opinionated without being total arseholes. I feel like this is a rarity for people in their early 20s. Not to mention their life experiences couldn’t have been any more different from my own, which is fascinating. That’s something I have trouble understanding, come to think of it. So often people don’t want to hear from dissenting viewpoints or ones that vary from their own. Wouldn’t you want to consider how other people approach an idea or challenge? Failing anything, you can always co-opt their view/idea and have another tool in your arsenal. You can be a better, more effective person by discovering ways to do things that never would’ve crossed your radar otherwise. I’ve picked up some stuff over the years. Lemme see…

Cutting a capsicum (pepper, for all you North Americanites). Okay, get your knife and chop the top and bottom off. You should have two circle bits, one with a green stalk in it and the other without. Also a cylinderish thing stuffed with seeds. If you don’t you’ve already fucked up. Grab another one and try again. Pull out the green stalk, then place those two rings to the side. Look down at your cylinder. It’ll have seeds in the middle and four connecty bits. To see this better, keep the capsicum squared off to you. So you should have a flat piece on all four sides, rather than something more diamond-esque. Perfect. Yet again, if this hasn’t happened for you, learn to shape.

Now, cut the sides off. You should be cutting off flat panes with a little fibrous connecty bit in the middle. If you keep doing it, you’ll soon have four wide, flat pieces of capsicum and a cluster of seeds. Chuck that bastard out, those seeds are of no use to you. I mean, if you’re energetic and into using the whole life I’m sure you can just grow more capsicum with them. I have no idea how, ask the internet instead. It should be simple from this point on. Grab those circly bits and put them with the flat panes. You can cut the strips however you like. Lay them so the fleshy part is facing up, it’s much easier to slice. You might want to leave them long, cut them in half or even dice them. I’m writing this with no idea who you are or what debaucherous purpose has you cutting capsicum. For all I know you’re making a lasagne, or you could be brewing a potion to grow mosquitos to the size of dogs. If it’s the latter, you’re a monster and I hope I haven’t secretly given you the keys to success. You know how I learned this? I asked someone for their opinion. My reward is a greater control over capsicum than I ever imagined in my wildest dreams. As followers of this page know, I have pretty munted dreams, so that’s saying something.

Then again, it’s all too easy to drop platitudes about being open minded, but I guess I’m just as biased when it comes to closing off to certain things. Here are some things that make my mind boner retract into itself:

  • Anti-vaxxers: You’re bringing back curable diseases because you’re too busy listening to an opinionated, non-knowledgeable celebrity espousing personal beliefs not contingent on fact. If you love the black plague so much, why don’t you marry it?
  • People who’re into juicing: Do what you want, but please don’t try to indoctrinate me. I enjoy the pleasing sensation of chewing my food. If I didn’t like denser textures, why would I eat meat?
  • Anyone with a loud speaker: If your point is so valid, I’d hope you wouldn’t have to shout. Some street preacher was going at it during the Yonge Street marijuana protest a few weeks back. He was yelling about the evils of drugs and alcohol and I thought to myself shouldn’t you be talking to your main man about that alcohol thing? That was his favourite parlour trick. Soon enough the evangelist started arguing with pro cannabis people and the result was so moronic I couldn’t bear to stick around. Stop yelling, people. Discuss. I’ve got no issue with people having religions or people smoking dope at all, but you need to stop trying to shove your words down my throat. Let people decide for themselves.

Actually, I’ve got a weird reaction that I’d like to shift. I’ve noticed that whenever something progressive comes out from the lips of a celebrity who’s tied into that publicity industrial complex I find it hard to believe them. No matter how great their response is, my first reaction is to assume it’s a PR driven move in an attempt to capitalise on recently popular societal shifts. I hope if Miley really is having doubts about entrenched views of gender and how they affect self-perception, that it’s a genuine thought. If it’s something Miley feels strongly about and wants to challenge, that’s fantastic. Miley would have my support 100%. If instead it’s a ploy to ride the wave of recent non-gender binary awareness and surf it to further popularity, then that’s manipulative and something I have trouble getting behind. I want to believe and I want my initial reaction to be to trust people, but frankly the media doesn’t make it easy.

As I said though, I’m not too stubborn to change.


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