There’s no “eye” in team, because love is blind. But if you look hard enough, you might find a “mate”.

Facebook’s On This Day function is right up my alley. It trades on nostalgia and allows me to recall the absurdity I put myself through on a daily basis. In the event that I’d otherwise wake without any notifications, it’s there waiting for me when I turn on my internet. It makes me feel loved, even if only by myself. Isn’t self love perhaps the most important love of all? Insofar as you’re not trading fluids with your clone, anyway. Where did the general consensus arrive on sex with your clone or alternate reality self? Dear Peanut Gallery, make up your mind. I’ve got some clones to pash. Thanks.

On This Day. I’m a fan, clearly. The one thing On This Day isn’t, is discerning. In reading further, apparently they built rules to try and prevent traumatic events showing up, but this requires some amount of carefully placed things. I’m not 100% sure what that criteria is, but I know that my disinterest in listing ex-partners means that my On This Day is basically a list of great times had with ex-girlfriends. I’m trying to sift through how that makes me feel.

When things come to their conclusion, I’m not a huge believer in sowing salt, burning bridges or laying napalm. So often things end because they probably needed to. If a problem arose that decent communication couldn’t fix, pushing it down and pretending it never happened isn’t a long term strategy. This stuff comes bubbling up to a surface and the pressure of its re-emergence only exacerbates that a problem existed in the first place. When something ends for me, I like the idea that just because a relationship didn’t work out, a friendship couldn’t happen. Pushing ex-partners away seems to be predicated on the idea that trust has been breached or not being able to have someone intimately means you can’t have them at all. If you’re good people who were bad for one another, surely that doesn’t mean you need to be out of each other’s lives? You were together in the first place for some reason, right? If that had any meaning, isn’t it worth thinking about whether that reason translates to love that might not involve sex?

Of course this kind of thinking is predicated on the notion of growing, rather than tearing apart (Lisa). Maintaining a the friendship part of the relationship is infinitely easier when huge violations of trust or safety haven’t been committed. So often long term relationships can break up through the simple fact that you’re different people and time gives the illuminating perspective that this was always the case. The kind of person I wanted at 22 was different from the kind of person I want at 28. If you’re not growing together, chances are you’re growing apart. This is fine, natural. Not every person you grow intimately close to has to be the one. Does the one even exist? There are so many potential compatibilities between humans that the concept of a single soul mate seems absurd. I’m sure there are a multitude of soul mates all spread throughout the globe. You might not know that each other exist, you probably won’t ever meet, but that shouldn’t stop anyone from sharing love and compassion with others.

You should always be on the same team with a partner. Your goal is to make the relationship work, that’s it. If you’re expending effort to sabotage it, then why are you even along for the ride in the first place? Move on. People can change, but should you be forcing your own interest upon somebody else if they don’t want to adapt? Say your words and find someone who’s on your side. If your time together draws to a close, I’d hope you’d have excellent memories to look back on.

I do. That, I think, is what I’m getting at. I’ve been very fortunate to have wonderful women to remember. Even when things didn’t gel, I don’t think it was intentional. People are exceedingly more commonly ignorant than malicious. We all lack perspective at times and that’s so often where trouble comes in. Lacking in perspective at the time doesn’t mean I now lack retrospect. On This Day seems content to remind me of what it was like when things were good. Sitting on the couch writing while she photoshopped a large penis in place of a concert-goer’s burrito. Getting excited for travelling together. Parties and friends lost to the break up. Sweet little notes we’d sent each other. Meals or in-jokes we’d shared. However the relationship ended, isn’t it nice to know that at least we were capable of giving and receiving love? We had the capacity to share what made us special with another and revel in their own values. It’s nice to be reminded that we made mistakes, but those mistakes were like footsteps leading us to where we stand. Regardless of how things transpired, we’re still here.

Regardless of what happens, I think that’s still something to be happy about.


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