The Inside Out Film Festival made it a lot harder to google screening times.

Goddamn, Pixar. You had me to tears in under a minute. I think you just scored a new record. If the objective was to have me revert to a blubbery tear-drenched mess then you passed. My emotions are yours to do with as you will. I won’t even try any more. Your movies have a direct line to my heart strings. Every note of melodic piano you play plucks another string and adds to the ever welling drops in my eyes. I trust you implicitly again as long as your film doesn’t revolve around a vehicle. I see that your next movie involves dinosaurs. Fuck you. In a good way. I still love you. I just know I won’t be able to handle it while simultaneously loving every second. It’s a wonder I even saw most of the film. The majority of it was spent with my face scrunched with a similar emotion to Gavin eating a lemon. Inside Out was a marvel of filmmaking. Every positive review is exceedingly well warranted. To take an immense cluster of concepts and instil them into a movie that scales all the way from kids upwards was a task even Hercules would’ve been ill-equipped to handle. They knocked it out of the park and over several other stadiums. This film covers ideas and emotions so universal you’d be hard pressed to find anyone able to leave the movie disaffected. I loved Fury Road, but this is easily my favourite film this year. Somehow better than Entourage (OH YEEEAH) even. Much like Boyhood, I could’ve spent hours longer in that cinema. I wanted to see the girl grow old, watch her live out her life and join in the experience. I didn’t want to leave that world at all.

Part of that world left with me though. The way everything in the film was presented, I found it hard to let go. Upon exiting the cinema I found myself captivated with the world around me. It triggered some kind of hyperawareness that I found tough to shake. Everyone I saw, I was compelled into imagined empathy. I tried to read the signs to see how they were feeling. Descending onto the subway, it was impossible to not watch people constantly. I tried to look away, but only found another person. The guy neatly wrapping his tie, but look at those pursed lips. What’s gone on in his day? A couple sitting down, but why did she take the seat perpendicular to him instead of beside? Are they ok? Does she feel like she needs space? Could he have said something insensitive? How am I supposed to understand meaning without context? A woman huffing, then spraying her face with some substance intermittently. It’s pretty humid in here. Is she just fed up with that? Or could something else be going on? I met a girl’s eyes, an intense stare. Was she noticing me looking around everywhere? Wait, what am I doing with my face right now? Is my brow too furrowed? Wait, why would she care about that? I cast away my gaze. This was too much. I needed to breathe and breathe deeply.

It was overwhelming, I needed to calm down. Adding a backdrop of Wilco took the edge off, but cast my thought inwards. What emotions am I feeling right now? What’s driving this heightened emotional state? Despite this intense sensation, am I enjoying pushing the focus to others right now? I feel a little tense, but also warm and dewy after seeing the film. Sad too, because I know how fleeting this is. I can’t stay here, policing my emotions. I know I’d never accomplish anything. It’s important to be in touch with how I react to things, but it can’t be everything. It’s important to try and exercise empathy if I can, but I can’t steamroll ahead with that at the behest of my own well-being. Also it’s not like I’m insightful enough to accurately know what others are thinking. It’s balance. Finding the right time to follow each thread and choose how to express myself, when to pull back and which times it’s vital to let myself be vulnerable. Watch, learn, act or react when necessary. Things’ll be fine.

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