I’ve seen Oedipal theory applied to futanari. I can die happily and hard now.

Atomic Lollipop day one sorted. I saw, I came. I concur. I mean that in every permutation you can fathom.

Atomic Lollipop is straight up insanity. Imagine a geeky convention stripped back to its grassroots. Fan Expo without the corporate interests or big money attached. Now place it in a still functioning Ontario Science Centre. Add in a bunch of adult anime/comics/gaming/cartoon/internet/90s enthusiasts, most of whom are cosplayed to the nines. Then cultivate the weekend with an assortment of aligned panels, demonstrations, workshops. Drop raver subculture into the mix. Now add alcohol and an adult watershed time. Inject just a smidge of good old fashioned ayahuasca. You should be starting to get a clear picture. Or a strong urge to vomit. Both are entirely natural.

I slipped into some thematic attire. With jeans, a denim jacket, a top hat, white pointed glasses and a hockey stick, I was Canadian Tuxedo Mask. Because mashing up puns and anime fits me too well not to wear.

I could’ve just started and ended my day with one sight, because after which everything else was irrelevant. A group of Dragon Bro Z dudes dancing and singing along to Sisqo’s The Thong Song. Perfect.

It wasn’t even close to over though. Catching the end of Nerd Circus yielded a stunning pole dancing routine featuring an accurately garbed Leeloo, followed up by a tandem hoop performance by two talented ladies dressed in tight spandex costumes. I think they know their audience.

I found my girlfriend and we roamed around for a bit. The local LARP group tried to pull us in, but my aversion to accepting any promotional flyers people try to give me gave us a running start. We bounded over to the bouncy castle and lasted all of 2 minutes before crawling out due to exhaustion. We killed time rifling through the interactive science exhibit before hearing the amped electro rock tones of A-Pop veterans, Tupperware Remix Party.

Four guys garbed in spandex outfits with masks. Think Daft Punk meets Voltron, with a keytar and pelvic thrusts thrown in for good measure. “We’d like to dedicate this song… to the ladies.” they announced, rolling into song 2. Songs 3, 4, 6, 8 and 12 were also dedicated to the ladies. A song about their desire to tour Japan was dedicated to Japanese touring agents. And the ladies. Female Japanese touring agents would be doubly good, they admitted. So much energy. At one point the lead singer begun repeatedly kicking above his head. Confetti sprayed out from large cannons. Enthusiastic whoops greeted any proclamation from the band.

Disney Karaoke was a thing. The crowd was baying for Duck Tales or blood. Duck Tales happened, quashing the encroaching uprising.

Sweaty and gross, we headed up for competitive fanfiction erotica. As if that was gonna cool us down. The gals of FanFiction: The Show performed a steamy story of two sailor scouts winning love by daylight. Followed by an insane Dragon Ball Z fanficiton featuring the enticing nomenclature “Fuck Truck” for male genitalia. I found my people.

Hentai Art Critique involved bizarre hentai cultivated from 4chan’s /d board, to which the audience had to give pretentious art analysis. Futanari (dickgirls) frequented the screen, drawing critiques of the male commodification of female sexuality, a scene with a female bodied landscape drew Madonna/Whore complex breakdowns, while a be-dicked Cammy (Street Fighter), erect, cumming profusely in a chamber while M. Bison watched gleefully incited obvious military industrial complex comparisons. Now I’d truly found my people.

The 19+ Would You Rather podcast delivered precisely what you’d expect: The creation of a real-life craigslist entry asking someone to drink a pint of their blood. A follow-up on the developments is to be announced tonight.

Day One wrapped. I hear Day Two is where the action is. So excuse me, but I’ve got a Captain Mal Reynolds costume to attend to.

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