More like a headphone jack-off.

Welp, looks like I’ve got another pair of Koss PortaPros to add to the graveyard or toss into the fires of Mordor. Why do I keep going back to that well? Alls I want is a nice pair of headphones to get to know. Take home with me, go out a bit. Maybe some light jogging. They can tell me stories or sing to me on the subway. I’ll treat them nicely and give them all the love, care and attention they deserve. I just don’t think I’ve met the right pair yet.

Getting a nice set of headphones is amazing. Suddenly music sounds different, better, clearer. New parts of songs drift to the surface that you never noticed. It changes everything and brings out an enthusiasm in you that you weren’t aware of. I’ve been through a ton and they all leave me the same way: The left channel of audio cuts out. At first it wavers, you’re able to hear it if you jiggle it in just the right way. Then it just cuts and it’s lost to the void. I’ve never found a solution that works for me. It’s strange that the same thing keeps happening regardless of headphone make or model. I wonder if there’s a commonality.

*** One quick Google (verb) later ***

Right. It’s so simple. I’ve been folding my headphone wire incorrectly. That’s it. One small action and it’s been ruining pair after pair. I can’t believe the hundreds of dollars I could’ve saved if I just knew how to fold a wire. Silly silly man I am. I guess the next step is seeing if I can find somewhere in Toronto that can repair the broken models I have lying around in my drawers. Then once they’re repaired, implore the repair person to teach me how to dougie. After that I can ask them how to fold the wire so I can listen to Teach Me How To Dougie with my new-found knowledge of how to dougie. Presto: I’m better than I was. That’s what we call character progression.

Strange, but I wonder how many simple things I’m doing wrong. If not wrong, then sub-optimally. To think that there’s a fix that could’ve saved me so much trouble and angst (seriously, nothing gets makes me furious quite like sudden audio drop outs. I’m not an angry person, but if a cd skips or amps die out, I hulk up big time) is jarring in a sense. It’s like there are so many paths around frustration that I could’ve taken if only I’d been looking out for them. Will the rest of my life merely be a shrine to lifehacker (on a related note, I hadn’t been to that site in years. Geez, when did it become a large “daily deal” repository)?

Dear Internet. Thank you for showing me the folly of my ways. I bow to your superior robot intellect and vow to be compliant when the inevitable singularity arrives.
Much love.
-Leon

P.S. If I’m good, can I get a nifty Daft Punk helmet for my fealty?

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