Does anyone else feel lighter after that?

Is there an easy checklist to figure out why you’re feeling bummed? It feels like it’d be so easy. Not just how am I feeling today? Something more along the lines of why am I FEELING today? I want something snappy, something with yes, no or definitive answers.

  • Have you eaten? Was this enough? What kind of things could be slowing you down? Sugar crashing? Complex carbs that’re difficult to digest? Meat sweats getting on top of you?
  • Have you been drinking water? Too much? Is your pee too clear to be healthy?
  • Caffeine intake? Too much? Not enough? How has your intake been over the past week? Are you withdrawing?
  • How much sleep did you get last night? Over the past few days?
  • Have you been drinking lately? How much over the past week? Could there be withdrawal here too?
  • How many restaurant meals have you eaten recently? Do you need more fresh food? Alternatively are you tired of sweating broccoli out from your pores?
  • How have you been looking at yourself in the mirror? Are you happy with what you see? If not, what don’t you like?
  • How has your creative outlook been? Have you found ways to express yourself?
  • Have you taken leisure time? Switched off and just existed without pressure for an hour or two?
  • Are you horny? Frustrated? Has your sexual activity been with others or more exclusive? What have you wanted?
  • Are there interpersonal pressures plaguing you? Family? Friends? Relationships?
  • How has your workload been lately? Too much to do? Too little?
  • Have you left the house and breathed fresh air? Felt natural temperature fluctuations rather than an artificial normalcy?
  • Have you been physically engaged? Worked? Are you exhausted?
  • Have you done anything out of the ordinary? If not, would you like to?
  • Is social media stressing you? Boring you? Making you fearful of humanity’s trajectory?
  • Did your favourite show kill off your favourite character? Do you feel bizarre pangs of entitlement to what the creators “owe you”?
  • How are your FOMO levels? Can you make it to all the engagements you want to? Do you resent a certain strategic social decision you had to make in order to leverage future invite potential?
  • Does your barista know your name? Did you try to make a clever in-joke only to be greeted by hollow laughter and glassy eyes that stared right through the empty shell where your soul once hung before the existential disconnect dropped it out through your feet?
  • Are you worried that your Halloween costume is too on the nose? Not cutting edge enough? Way too obvious? Too soon? Are you starting to regret that fucking ridiculous “Damaged” tattoo you got on your forehead last week in preparation? Are you worried that your Adnan Syed costume will be labelled as cultural appropriation (it will be. They won’t be wrong). Also NOBODY will get it. Are you really gonna dress as a piece of matzo with a bowtie on it and call yourself the Unleavened Doctor? Have you even thought about the logistics of something like that? Take that fucking stupid idea and manischovitz up your ass, you piece of shit.
  • Have you adequately used your daily writing project to vent a little?
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