I’m trying to think of what to write tonight. Half the problem stems from the fact that most of the topics at the top of my head require more thought than I have time for right now. It’s past 11.30pm. Nothing good can come from something I’m actively trying to rush through. There’s a potential development that could be happening over the next while, but I haven’t unpacked all my thoughts on it to myself, let alone have them well structured enough to unleash them to the aether. Give me a weekend. Give me an evening where I actually have time to process ideas.
Really, just give me an evening where I actually have time. That’d be a luxury right now.
It’s the same old refrain. I complain because things aren’t really that tough. I complain because in some small way I imagine raising my concerns is a way of venting and helps me come to terms with what I do have in my life. Waaah, waaah this and waaah, waaah that. Here are some of my top sobs right now and why they’re not tragedies:
- Work is busy. I’m having a few late nights as we power through the last push before the end of the year. On the flip side, I might be able to pick up a few easy days around Christmas and bulk up my days in lieu.
- I still haven’t decided on the one Christmas present I have to buy this year. That being said, it’s just one present I need to buy. I’ve got a few ideas but I can’t decide which one is best.
- My arms aren’t telescopic, which would make it soooo much easier to grab things beyond my reach. At least I have arms though. I’ve got heaps of limbs. I’ve even gone this long in my life without being dismembered or losing a single finger/toe.
- I don’t have a style guide on this site. The way I write numbers as either words or using the number characters on is inconsistent. I feel like I italicise band names and songs but not singers. I don’t even know what I’m doing with company names. They’re proper nouns, right? But what if you’re using them in a verb state like “googling”? That being said, nobody but me gives a shit and I’m not certain that I actually do. This is not a professional project by any means and it’s unlikely that it’s gonna go anywhere.
- I did a terrible job of categorising early entries. It’s made it hard to retread those pages. I’ve been going back lately to try and see if I’ve learned anything in my writing. I’m unsure. There’s a lot of garbage in the archives, but entries like this prove that my garbage is alive and well. Like Oscar the Grouch (do I need to italicise character names?). I’ve changed a lot, if not even in my writing by large margins, but in a much more personal and intimate fashion. I think I’m a better person. I’m more aware of the effects of my actions on others. I consider others more often. I’ve softened, but it finally feels better to be more palatable than inedible. There’s no joy in exclusivity to the point of pushing people away. In reading earlier entries, it sounds like being different gave me an axe to grind. I was more concerned with keeping distance than defining healthy boundaries. So even if my technical skill hasn’t launched vertically, becoming better at navigating and perceiving the world around me means that I see the world more evenly. I’ve become a more balanced person and consequently my writing has improved. Plus this entry is gonna get lost in the shuffle anyway. Even with better categorisation it’s still unremarkable. So maybe it’s a blessing that they’re not well curated, because I probably don’t want people going back to read them regardless. Were those some initial preventative measures?
There we go, half an hour knocked down. I can save that real talk for a time it deserves. Even better, now I can sleep to recharge my batteries and tomorrow I can focus on those other issues and reach for the stars. Even if my arms are woefully not telescopic.