Am I hysterical? Or is it Bucket Lisztomania?

I’ve been drinking a lot of coffee over the past few days. As happens when I’m drowning in caffeine, my mind transcends its usual speed of thought and searches for ideas from beyond the pale. My first instinct in this state is to nab any silly ideas that come across my path (in short, all of my ideas). Then there have been ideas that aren’t so outlandish, but might not be the best ideas for right now. Also, given the caffeine consumption, most of my thought has revolved around how much I’ve needed to poop.

Life’s been great.

Still, some ideas that have risen to the surface enough to include in any eventual bucket list I create:

  • Crawl Through Vents: I want to do this even just once. Watching X-Files has filled me to the brim with desire for covert shenanigans that involve crawling through a vent. Sure, I’d probably cause the vent to fall to the ground, negating the element of surprise (or actively surprising any onlookers), but at least I would’ve ticked it off. The closest I’ve come to this was at my old gymnastics job. My boss wanted me to crawl from one room to another to unlock it. I climbed into the attic and stepped on the wood like he told me to. Well, I thought I had. Instead I put my weight down on what turned out to be thin plaster. I fell through the ceiling and onto a couch that was handily below. I tumbled and rolled to my feet, covered in dust and chalk. I was in a room full of parents and, looking at the couch I’d just landed on, I narrowly avoided crushing one of the fathers awaiting the end of his child’s class. With all eyes on me, I thought quickly. “See how I tucked my head when I rolled? I just saved my neck. Aren’t those the skills you want your kids learning?” The parents chuckled nervously and I quickly left the room. If that was a vent I would’ve simply been given an accidental manslaughter charge and been done with it.
  • Experience a pun competition: Do I want to participate in one? Do I have designs to run my own? I have no idea, but after discovering that a successful pun competition has been running monthly in Brooklyn for years, it’s given me a yearning to find the same experience here in Toronto. If you build it, they will come, right? Do I need to be the one to bring it over the border? The idea of contacting the creators and getting their blessing to run a similar event has crossed my mind back and forth like a hypnotist’s watch, enticing me into a state of trance. Would I have the charisma to host an event? Would people come? Could I live up to their expectations? Am I scared to start something because of the chance it could fail? Obviously I’m more than adept enough to engage with one of my life’s prime joys. My love of words is well documented and forming a space where I could share that joy is well within my capability, even if I don’t want to believe it at times.
  • Do SXSW: Yesterday I had this manic idea that I should get my editor to submit me for SXSW this year. Press accreditation closes Feb 10th. The event is a month away, so technically I could do it. I started to look into it and it quickly became overwhelming. I don’t even know 99% of the bands performing. I’d be on my own and unaware of the landscape. The desire to witness the amalgamation of music and comedy is massive, but so is the scale of the event. How would I know where to go? How much would accommodation and flights cost a month out? Would I even be able to get that accreditation? Could I afford to take that kind of working holiday? Or am I better to do Just For Laughs in Montreal and save SXSW for next year with more prep? Am I psyching myself out just like the pun competition?
  • Start a podcast: I can talk a good game about my podcast plans (talking a good game being imperative to the podcast dynamic) but I have yet to act on anything. I get tons of ideas, but I haven’t bothered to put any of them into practice. I’ve got a co-host for my potential Air Bud Pawedcast and every time I think about it I come up with all new ways I could flesh out the series. Still, this idea has been percolating in my brain meats for almost a year with no results. Like any of the above desires, make it happen is the solution. The world wouldn’t get anywhere if all we did was talk and think without acting on those thoughts and words.

I’ve got my whole life to do anything I want, but that’s no reason I need to wait around for it to happen. What’s really stopping me aside from doubt? I got halfway across the world on my own, why not push myself a bit further?


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