I can’t stop looking in the mirror. From the offset this sounds like the most narcissistic thing I’ve said atop a mountain of self-fellating waste. This time it’s different. This time I’m actually looking myself right in the eyes, searching for something. This may sound deep or introspective, it’s not. I’m literally looking at my eyes.

I’ve been confused about my eye colour for some time. I always knew myself have hazel eyes. It’s what my momma told me and I took it to heart. As I grew older people started commenting on how green my eyes were. They’re not green I’d tell them matter of factly (hands on my hips like a right know it all), they’re hazel. “They don’t look hazel to me” they’d say “they’re green”. Then I’d look down and realise it was just a reflection on my clothing. Over the years green has become my favourite colour and I wear it often. It really does bring out my eyes, which otherwise would mix with a browny hue. If I wear brown I have the inverse result. Do I have green eyes? Brown eyes? Or is that exactly what hazel means? Or conversely has my eye colour changed enough over time that it’s exceedingly more green than it is brown?

For ages I stopped thinking about it. It didn’t matter and I stopped paying it any mind. Zip forward a few years and cue ages spent staring into my sweetheart’s eyes. She has gorgeous eyes and it’s hard not to get lost in them. They’ve got a beautiful deep blueness with a ring of gold around the pupil. I’ll swim in them constantly, wondering what she’s thinking, just how synched our hive mind really is. I’ve always been enchanted by them, but curious about that little gold ring. What colour are her eyes? Blue? Gold? Ravenclaw? She explained to me that it was a type of heterochromia. Naturally, I looked it up.

Heterochromia is exactly what it sounds like (if you can parse the etymology of hetero and chromia). Eyes with a combination of colours. There are different types of heterochromia. A complete heterochromia involves having each eye with a different coloured iris. Like David Bowie or Kate Bosworth. Sectoral heterochromia means you have a section of contrasting colour in your iris. Like this eye that I’m pretty sure is sponsored by Firefox. The other type of heterochromia is a central heterochromia, where you have a ring of contrasting colour around your pupil. Like this picture (that actually looks heaps like my girlfriend’s eye). With all this staring into one another’s eyes, she observed that I might have central heterochromia too.

So now I’ve been staring into mirrors all day. I’m too self-conscious to let someone see me do it and people are around all the time. I’ll be in the bathroom and someone will come in while I’m trying to catch a peek. The lighting in the elevators is really dicey, so I have to get super close to check it out. Invariably each time I start to get a good look the doors open and someone walks in. After darting in and out of close calls, I finally got a full view. It’s there, it’s totally there. Around my pupils is a jagged ring of brown, surrounded by a greeny brown exterior. Is this just a thing that all hazel eyes have though? Of course we’re gonna look for reasons that we’re special, but this seems a bit of a stretch. Did I really need to spend more time looking at myself?

Then again, this whole project is an exercise in navel gazing anyway.


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