I do like my previous flatmate, but she left a rather dangerous booby trap in the house. Unbeknownst to me this whole time there was a jar of cake frosting sitting in our dessert cupboard. I guess the first step here was discovering that in Canada you can just buy cake frosting. No work, nothing. Give your two dollars and instead of having to get icing sugar, boiling water, etc etc you can instead just get a spoon. Instructions: Open jar, grab spoon, remove all self-respect and mainline that shit like opium. Warning: May also contain traces of diabetes. I’d like to see anyone who possesses enough self-discipline to have one spoon and stop there. Actually I don’t, because they’d clearly be a straight up sociopath. Or replicant. Frosting in a jar has taught me that heroin probably shouldn’t be my kind of thing. At least not if it tastes like birthdays and bliss. In any case, even with the room mate moved out there’s not enough room in this place for both myself and the frosting. One of us will have to leave. So I guess I’m moving out, unless my girlfriend can help me get rid of this perilous substance. I can’t handle it on my own, I need the help of a professional.
Oh, so that’s a thing that’s happening next weekend. My girlfriend is moving in. After months of worry and planning and hypotheticals, it’s really happening. We put the call out to friends to help us move the other day and were flooded with replies. Turns out having a strong sense of community is all types of ace. It’s dawning on me now how little time a week is. So much to do and here I am sitting in a bath robe, typing away at a keyboard while sipping vodka on ice.
[As an aside, life is pretty sweet right now.]
We still need to organise a ton of stuff at my girlfriend’s place, whether it’s sequestering her kitchen stuff or transporting smaller things incidentally over to mine. We need to figure out how we’re taking the larger things, whether anyone we know has a van/minivan or if we need to hire something. We need to sign the lease. We need to clarify exactly what we’re taking and what we’re leaving. We need to establish a game plan for the moving day, which I’m thinking will be people at hers, people at mine and people ferrying between. Then jelly, ice cream and booze to say thanks afterwards. We also need to create a strategy to get rid of this frosting. Are frosting body shots a thing? How better to celebrate moving in together?
Perhaps we should get curtains in the kitchen first, otherwise passers by are gonna cop a whole different booby trap.