How would I line my insides with silver? I’ll make any excuse to find the doctor from Face/Off.

My girlfriend is listening to a 2000s music mix on her phone as I write. Since I’ve got nothing more interesting to blab about (which should highlight how little is floating through my head right now), let’s jump in. I’ll write about each song as it plays and anything that comes to mind. Fingers crossed we hear some Duffy. Warwick Avenue was a rad song.

  • R-Kelly “Ignition Remix”. Song is just finishing. The only notable thing about this track is that for the longest time (woah-oh) I thought the line was “mama rolling dead bodies, got every man in here wishing”. Upon further listening the song isn’t about some serial killer matriarch. Bummer.
  • Beyonce “Irreplacable”. The number of times I quote “to the left, to the left” while giving any type of directions is… well not staggering, but not insignificant either. I feel like this song came out while Beyonce was still ‘twixt her metamorphosis from post Destiny’s Child pop diva who bought her own shoes to Yaaasss Queen Bee.
  • K.T. Tunstall “Suddenly I See”. Aww, good song. It’s catchy as hell and I’m borderline gutted she never got bigger. The follow-up, “Black Horse and the Cherry Tree” was a sweet track too. Upbeat as hell, with a voice that wasn’t syrupy, a style that wasn’t sexualised at a time where that was virtually all we were being fed.
  • Joss Stone “Fell in Love with a Boy”. Is she still a person? I mean, of course she’s a person, but is she still an entity in the music biz? Apparently so, she put out a record in 2015. This track, a cover of a White Stripes song, seems particularly apt for a 2000s playlist when it’s been covered by another quintessential 2000s artist. Quintessential? Am I using that word right or laying it on a bit thick? She might not be the perfect embodiment of the oughts, but when I think of her I think of them.
  • Ingrid Michaelson “The Way I Am”. I don’t know this song. I don’t think I’ve heard this song. I heard a Nerdist podcast with her a while back and she seemed pretty rad. Clever and funny. This track is simple, pleasant, enjoyable. Did I just sound like a robot describing music?
  • Alicia Keys “Falling”. Oh wow, she was everywhere now she’s… Well… Not. When I think of this track, I think of her playing a piano. For some reason though when I hear her name immediately I see her surrounded by fire. Have I awakened some latent spiritual ability to read auras? Or was that just from some music video she did? I guess I also automatically associate her with New York, because that song played like 20 times when we visited New York back in 2011.
  • Nelly “Hot in Herre”. Some kid at my school started wearing band aids on his face when this track came out, since Nelly made it all the rage. It’s a curious fashion statement, likely a reflection of education in the school of hard knocks. I never got the appeal of the chorus. Like, the call and response of “It’s getting hot in herre, take off all your clothes off” and “I am getting so hot, I will take my clothes off” always creeped me out. Like, why does the female chorus singer sound so robotic? What’s with the clipped way she talks? Is she a robotic sex slave? Why is she doing what he says? He didn’t even ask nicely. The amount of duress loaded into this track is borderline menacing.
  • Feist “1, 2, 3, 4”. Neat track. There was an adorable Sesame Street cover of this that involved counting penguins. I’ve seen this live a few times and it’s always a blast. She’s a stellar performer who knows how to work a crowd. Now I’m just wondering how long it is until Broken Social Scene get back together and break up again. Fingers crossed. 1, 2, 3, 4 of them.
  • Rilo Kiley “Silver Lining”. I know nothing about this song or band. Really, I’m struggling to come up with anything inventive. Silver Lining… What would happen if a werewolf bit someone whose insides were lined with silver? Like, would the teeth get all the way through? Would the silver insulate the victim from the werewolf curse? Would the werewolf die or just be wounded? In my head I guess this is just a silver version of Wolverine. Way less indestructible, but also with added anti-werewolf antibodies. Handy for niche situations. Like, werewolf ones.
  • Destiny’s Child “Say My Name”. Was this when Destiny’s Child had someone else? Taking a quick peek through wikipedia it looks like Beyonce’s dad managed the band and was holding money back from some of the other members. They asked for more money and instead got replaced without consent. That’s kind of shitty. Also the replaced members’ vocals are still on the track, but not on the video. Looks like the band was the one acting kinda shady. The moar you know!

I hope you all enjoyed that romp into recent history as much as I did. I’m gonna stop writing before I feel old, dig a hole in the ground and shove my head into it while singing The Smiths’ “I Know it’s Over”.

E noho rā.

One response to “How would I line my insides with silver? I’ll make any excuse to find the doctor from Face/Off.

  1. Pingback: What am I if not a one man Human Centipede? | I have my doubts

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