Let’s be real here. There is no alternate reality in which I don’t see Space Jam 2.

Why do I feel like I’m locked into a week of dialogue now? I don’t even think I bothered to think of characters this time.

S: But what if they don’t get the most important part of the franchise?
R: Jordan’s retired. He could come back. He’s probably just living off legacy sales of nike stuff. I’m sure he could make time in his busy schedule for a project of such artistic import.
S: Jordan? I’m not talking about Jordan. Clearly Bill Murray is the crucial cog in this well oiled machine.
R: Aside from the Loonie Tunes? And, like, the awakening for furries worldwide?
S: Do you think Bugs ever does that girl bunny dress up thing for Lola? You know, for spicy nights in the bedroom?
R: I wonder if that was an awakening for people who like dressing in drag. Bugs Bunny: Drag icon.
S: It is pretty fun, you know.
R: Space Jam? Once a year I get this insane itch to watch it again. Maybe some things should never be unearthed though. “What is dead can never die” and all that.
S: I was talking about dressing in drag. It’s fun. Drag parties are fun.
R: Oh?
S: Yeah, it’s fun to get into the spirit of the whole thing. Borrow something from a friend and dress like you normally wouldn’t.
R: I’ve never gone to one. How many years do you think we still have them for?
S: What do you mean? Still have them for?
R: Well with non gender binary kind of stuff making its way into the mainstream, how long is there gonna be a novelty to wearing clothes from another gender? Like, isn’t it gonna be pretty arbitrary if everyone can wear what they want whenever they want?
S: I guess. I never really thought of that. Wait, does that mean I need to feel shitty about this now? Like, am I offending people by doing the drag party?
R: I don’t have a good answer for you. I really don’t know. Do you know non-gender binary people?
S: One or two.
R: Maybe ask them? I can’t sit here and pretend to know. I’m just here thinking about the validity of Space Jam in 2016.
S: Was there validity to Space Jam in 1996? We both know the website holds up in any case.
R: Michael Jordan was a pretty big deal. Like, everyone loved him. I loved him and I didn’t even play sports. He just seemed awesome.
S: It’s funny, but the target audience for Space Jam 2 would probably be more excited for Bill Murray than any basketball player. I mean hell, I’m one of them.
R: Why is Murray so important to you here? Is this because of that Wes Anderson binge you did last summer?
S: There’s just something about Murray. Remember the original? He was this wistful benevolent spirit just wandering through the film spreading joy. Think about it. He wasn’t even playing a character. That Neuman guy from Seinfeld? He had a character. Bill Murray though? He was just Bill Murray playing basketball in Loonie Tunes land. I like to think that’s what Bill Murray does in his spare time, y’know? Just traipses in and out of various intellectual properties for the sake of something to do. I’m pretty sure he’s just Dream from Sandman, but for movies.
R: Do you think Bill Murray ever dresses in drag?
S: I can’t think of anyone more comfortable in their skin than Bill Murray. I’m sure he just wears whatever is around him. Like, if Björk’s swan dress was on his living room floor you can bet your sweet ass he’d put it on and act like he wasn’t wearing a large fake swan.
R: Yeah, but wouldn’t you too?
S: You’re right. It’s a pretty awesome dress.
R: Think they’ll get Björk for Space Jam 2?
S: We can only hope.

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One response to “Let’s be real here. There is no alternate reality in which I don’t see Space Jam 2.

  1. Pingback: There are kids with their own YouTube channels these days. We all know how inept children are. | I have my doubts

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