I’m sorry Mavis, you’re just not my type.

I’m basically doing the equivalent of clock watching. It’s a Friday afternoon and things wrapped up a while ago. We’ve got summer hours going on, which means that come midday or so on a Friday we move to a skeleton staff. Most people in the team can high-tail it out of here, while two stay behind until everything is clear. At this stage most everything is done so I thought instead of twiddling my thumbs, I’d be better to harness my fingers and type a bunch.
I just realised the other day that I basically type with three fingers on each hand. I’m sure that weird shimmer we all felt in the air was millions of Mavis Beacon programs suddenly crying out in terror, then suddenly silenced. It’s true and I’ll admit it. I don’t have my ASDF and JKL; finger rows sorted. Not one iota. I can type that way, but the results are so error fraught and slow that I always slink back to my roaming three finger regime. To be honest I did try that technique on for size, but it took me maybe a minute to do a seven word sentence which was littered with misspellings. It’s not worth the sacrifice. I feel like I’m too far down a certain road that retracing the path wouldn’t give me enough benefit to justify the effort.
Really though, when do we know that? I typing this out for all the world to see, but I often fall into a self-imposed old dog mentality. Truth is, it should be easy enough for me to learn new skills. I’m competent and not severely lacking in most areas (geez, listen to this guy hype himself up). It’s happened a number of times before. Some new challenge will arise and I’ll drag my heels heading towards inevitability, then it turns out to be such an arduous task. I mean, I’d never food blogged before I started, but that went fine. I’d never done a concert review, but knowing how to write proved to be enough. Yeah, the first couple of times were clumsy, but it was a matter of practice like anything else. I’m not gonna say I’m great at it, but I’m better than I was when I was first petrified of even trying. See, I’ve proven I can do things time and time again, but the buy-in to convince myself that more work pays off is still a hard game. I can’t be the only one, surely? What about you, anonymous stranger? Do you have the drive to constantly seek out and explore IRL levelling up?
If you do, what is it that keeps you stubbornly planting those heels anew and refusing to back down? How do you keep going headfirst without flinching? Is it a matter of self confidence? Blind courage? Or somehow convincing yourself that there’s no alternative each time? How do you get to a state where you discard the two second rule in lieu of the 12 second to gauge your perceived limits? I know you’re out there. I see you. Some of you are my friends, people who continually test their boundaries. You put yourselves out there in all manner of artistic or practical pursuits. You’re performing stand up or writing plays. You’re learning the art of refurbishing, of gardening, of carpentry. You’re crafting culinary masterpieces or utilising sartorial expertise. You’re analysing technology and movement and wondering where those intersections are. You’re reclaiming what sexuality means to you and putting yourselves out there in a world that’s set on keeping your boundaries as small as possible. You’re doing things that I can but marvel at, following paths that seem impossibly distant from the intersections in my life.
As is always the way, I’m sitting here wondering what excuse I have. Why I’m doing with six fingers what I could be doing with two whole hands. Here I am watching the clock when I could be working against it, making use of the time I have while I still have it.
Sheeeit, does this mean I need to go home and download Mavis Beacon Teaches Typing?

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )


Connecting to %s