We have here a historical moment. For the first time since starting this project (which was over three years ago. I regretfully forgot to celebrate I Have My Doubts’ third birthday. A bit rich considering my proclamation yesterday of finding any and every reason celebrate the smallest achievement), I deleted an entry. I typed the whole thing on my phone as I was heading out to enact a clandestine deal with some shady fellow for some audio hardware. Dude was actually lovely and the hardware works great, but that’s beside the point. I was ready to copy/paste it into gmail (it’s a convoluted system at best) and accidentally pasted a link about Marmageddon on top of it. I then clicked the back key by mistake and the auto save feature did what it lives for. Drat and dagnabbit. We’ve got no evidence that it wasn’t a brilliant, luminous example of prose that would’ve been cherished by all, but frankly it’s all for the best. Your minds would’ve unravelled at the sheer poetry and cohesion of all words present, so it was all for the best. I care about you, even in this constant stream of one way communication. Oh, Atlas knows naught of my burden. Where was I before I went wankily wandering? Oh, the entry.
There were salient contrasts of naivety and cynicism. I waxed lyrical about my constant desire to shortchange the system and whether or not it’s realistic. If we don’t deserve anything we don’t pay for in some currency or another (material or non), I posited, then what does cheating the system mean? Doesn’t cheating demand risk and awareness? Does that make it fair? The chance you’ll be caught or shortchanged? Or the necessary preparations in order to come out on top. If you’ve done your prep or have the faculties to roll with the punches, isn’t that a cost of its own? On the other side, when it comes to underhanded methods is it always you weathering that cost? Doesn’t cheating by definition shunt that cost into the arms of another? Not so much eliminating the cost as redirecting it. I guess being a dick is another cost to cheating the system. If you’re okay with that, it’s a burden you bear.
But you know what? I’m okay about shortchanging Avid by buying someone’s second-hand out-of-date Pro Tools soft/hardware. I do love their product, but they’ve also made proprietary soft/hardware their business, locking people out of further options by trapping them in a linear system. I guess this is where you interject and question why I’m opting back into that system, to which I can only stress that Avid know what they’re doing. I’m so used to the Pro Tools workflow that other Digital Audio Workstations (DAWs) feel clunky and unwieldy. Like trying to eat soup from a spoon clenched between your middle toes on your left foot. There’s an instinctive quality to the hotkeys that’ve been branded into my muscle memory and anything else feels eerily immoral. Is this how people feel when they stray from their childhood faith? Unfortunately I lack the conviction or desire to escape. There may have once been a chance for me, but once I finally (after uninstalling, reinstalling, deleting drivers, updating, updating drivers, installing plug ins) slipped back under the warm embrace of the interface, there was nothing outside of that sweet, sweet nectar. I’m tunnel visioned once more. Reunited and it feels so good.
Not as good as it would’ve felt posting that ethereal entry I’d written earlier, but some things are too perfect for this world.