I shit you not, these ceremonies are a real thing. Dogs wearing little hats and whatnot.

I know there are so many sports left untouched, but the title popped into my head and I couldn’t not.

NARR: For a dog, Football was a tough sport to tackle.

COACH: He’s a golden receiver!

NARR: But when the Framm family uproots from Fernfield…

JACKIE: I know things are different in this Hassidic community Josh, but I needed the job.

NARR: Buddy has to make a conversion like never before.

JOSH: I know we need to become Jewish, mum, but Buddy’s a dog.

JACKIE: He may be a dog, but he’s turning 13 in a month.

NARR: In order to stay with his family, he’s gotta have a Bark Mitzvah.


Josh: I know you wanna go play ball Buddy, but you’ve gotta study.

Buddy: [Bark bark]

Josh: That’s good, now finish the sentence: Bark atah adonai.

NARR: And he’s about to tallit like it is.

RABBI: Oy Vey. A dog in a yarmulke? Vat’s next? The pope?

JOSH: I know it’s called a torah portion, but you can’t lick the paper.

NARR: They’ll face stiff opposition from the local community.

JEW: I mean sure, he’s a good boy. I’m just worried that he’s merely a good goy.

JOSH: Don’t the ten commandments begin, “I am the lord your dog?”

NARR: But Buddy’s gonna prove that he’s a kippah.

DODGY GUY: You got balls mutt. You ever thought about the underground dreidel circuit?


NARR: This summer, America’s Golden Boy is about to become America’s Golden Man.

JACKIE: Uhh Josh. I might have some bad news. Buddy was never circumcised.

JOSH: Oh no! Not Buddy’s stubby.

BUDDY: [whimpering]

NARR: Disney presents – Air Bud: Fiddler on the Woof.


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