Chances being what they are, I’ll see nothing but Zubat after Zubat.

If there’s one time I’ve regretted having left New Zealand, it’s now. Not because of the panoramic mountains and stunning coastline. It has naught to do with our delectable dairy and apples. It’s not even the lack of tipping culture. I just want to catch some goddamn Pokémon.

I’m willing to bet you’ve heard/downloaded Pokémon Go by now, unless you’re a fellow Canadian waiting for the official release. Yes, there are apk files floating around the net that could do the job just fine, but I’m content to wait until the server issues are fixed and optimised to handle all the traffic. Did I say content? I think my girlfriend, lightning rod for my ceaseless whining, would beg to differ.

Can you blame me though? It’s like my every 12 year old fantasy that didn’t include Cameron Diaz has suddenly come true. The potential to travel across the land, searching far and wide for Pokémon (to understand the power that’s inside) is in my palm. I know this, because my social network feeds are nigh filled top to bottom with post after post of Pokémon Go shenanigans. Absent are the photos of kids and food, instead I’m seeing cartoony representations of my childhood obsession throughout the streets. It’s awesome and it’s making me want to be outside. I want to go on jogs search of new Pokémon. I want to travel throughout Toronto in the hopes that I’ll come across something rare or exotic. Until they shift the release info Canada, however, I’m doomed to look upon my friends’ posts with longing.

Internet denizens have already begun mapping out locations. Having a quick look at my hometown, I can see that there’s a Dratini across the road from my old house. There’s a Pinsir down the road and a Growlithe a short walk away. Fisherman’s Wharf is aptly swarming with Krabby. Even more enticing is the rumour that Mewtwo lurks out near Manukau Heads. Supposedly someone is holding dominion over the Sky Tower with an unbeatable Gyarados. Isn’t that fucking rad? What a world we live in, that my 12 year old self would’ve craved more than anything save real world monsters.

So now I wait, watch and feel envy slowly infuse my every pore. Soon I’ll be able to waste hours questing after little bits of personified data in an attempt to shamelessly one up friends. Like a junkie begging for a fix, I just gotta catch ’em all.

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