Yes, I would legitimately like a suit of armour. Guess what’s first on my eccentric millionaire wishlist?

I went to a costume sale today. Theatrix Costume House is a few minutes away from my house (until they move in two weeks), so I figured I’d check out their garage sale. We were some of the first 50 in line, so we had the offer of 20% off our purchase. Then when we walked in we could pick up a free gift from this trunk of random. I got a pack of fishnet stockings, because who knows when a Rocky Horror showing will come around?

Holy fuck, was it ever overwhelming. The selection was insane. I could probably just spend the next half hour listing examples of the types of costumes I saw and still not be done. Not only costumes, but accessories, props and decorations. It’s one of the few times I wished I was a furry, if only because their collection of mascot costumes was extensive. I saw a guy gleefully walking to the register with a full sized Barney the Dinosaur costume (including enormous mascot head). They were going for $250 or so. It sounds like a lot for a costume, but a mascot costume could be a legit livelihood. As well as the aforementioned furry usage.

All their retail, pre-made stock was 50% off. Think any variant of sexy costume (sexy mustard, perhaps?) and take 50% off the price. Not so much contemporary stock (there was an overabundance of Michael Jackson, Silk Spectre and Kiss costumes), but at that price perhaps a throwback costume would be perfect for your Halloween. Hell, whatever it is probably has a reboot in a year (how old is Blanket Jackson now?). Care to make a speculative purchase?

Outside of the retail stuff, the choices seemed endless. The stock was mostly former theatre costumery so the quality was pretty decent. A few loose stitches here or there, but with prices as they were, it’d be worth taking to a tailor. I fell in love with a couple of ludicrous three piece suits, but couldn’t find any suitable fits. For not the first time, I rued my lack of sartorial skill. If only I could fix clothing instead of paying someone else to do it. Take in my shirts or suits. Perhaps loosen stitches a little. We both know I’m not gonna actually follow through and learn it (how would that work out on the time spent:benefit scale?), but that won’t stop me from complaining. Goddamn, man. There was this dark pearly blue suit with line etchings, with a paisley inner lining, complete with waistcoat. For $15? My dreams of strutting into a crowded party for some kind of The Mask re-enactment are dashed. No matter what I tried, no suits would fit. No eyes bulging out of my head and tongue rolling out my mouth for me then.

So many different eras were accounted for. 20s to 90s. Western and Egyptian, military and medieval. There were monster masks and helmets from across human history. Replica swords and guns, superhero costumes. My girlfriend tried on a Xena costume and we both tried pleather bodysuits (because who knows when those would come in handy?) but no luck. Having had nothing to eat and being dehydrated, I had to go. Sweat permeated the atmosphere, given that the hanging costumes blocked any heat from leaving. My girlfriend stayed and picked up a few choice items (we now have cloaks/capes in the house!), but I booked it on out of there.

If you’re in the area and fond of dressing up, check the place out. Tomorrow, the 17th of July, is the last day of their sale. Even with things having been picked through, I can’t imagine the remaining stock being anything less than abundant.

Especially if you’re a furry.

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