I’m sure things have been really boring on here lately. I’m not fishing for compliments or being irrationally self-effacing. I get it. If it’s not the Air Bud Pawdcast (of which Episode Seven was just released) it’s me going on about Tough Mudder or foods I’m eating, things I’m watching or how the world is conspiring against me.
Bugger that. Let’s have a departure from form. Today I’ll load up Google Trends and do 50 words on every topic that comes up. Let’s roll the die:
- Juventus F.C., UEFA Champions League, Sevilla FC:
Oh fuck, football. The non US version. Juventus reminds me of Invictus, which is a movie I’ve never seen. It was about Rugby in South Africa and some scheme to poison another team. I think it had Morgan Freeman, whose name would be cooler if it were Organ Freeman instead.
- Cristiano Ronaldo, Real Madrid C.F.
FUCK FUCK FUCK. Oh wait, is there a causal link between the two above trends? Is it player trading time or something? Has Ronaldo been sent to the Juventus Football Club? Is this all some grand design on behalf of our Lord and Master Organ Freeman? Only time will tell.
- Toronto Blue Jays, Tampa Bay Rays, Josh Donaldson
Well at least I’m in the right city for this one. The Blue Jays are our home team here in Toronto, but without any ties to sport (wasn’t that evident already?) I’m flailing. I once ate a sugar cookie with a blue jay on it. It was mediocre at best.
- General Hospital, Teresa Castillo
I know this is a long running soap opera. Is this an actor who died? Is this a hospital that caters to generals? Or is it staffed by generals? Do they have a general store where visitors can buy generals of their own? Is their cafeteria catered by general mills?
- Toronto Blue Jays, Ben Cherington, Boston Red Sox, baseball
I mean, the cookie looked pretty. It had a white background and the Blue Jays design in blue/red. I think it was the end of season, given that the cookie was reduced to 50 cents. I don’t really know what the going rate is for a sugar cookie. 50 cents was fine.
- Justice League, Batman, Zack Snyder
I haven’t seen any of the Zach Snyder superhero movies. They look like some shirtless bro straddling a tiger hefted his load on celluloid in a pale imitation of spider man. Then again, isn’t that a fair assessment? Fuck Zach Snyder and his browank, but Spider Man Homecoming looks delightful.
- San Francisco Giants, San Diego Padres
Would Baseball be more enjoyable if each team was composed of whatever species their team names implied? Giants vs Blue Jays vs Red Sox? I guess Boston would have a raw deal. In fact, is there anything out there that could beat giants? The Arizona Diamondbacks sound hardy at least.
- New York Yankees, Los Angeles Dodgers, Jacoby Ellsbury
Why is 90% of this news sports related? Couldn’t there have been some kind of science breakthrough, entertainment scandal or cute animal related story? I guess I should be thankful it’s a slow news day. It probably means not that many people died today. Isn’t that the best news of all?
- Justin Timberlake, Britney Spears
Remember when they went to that MTV thing dressed in full denim? The Canadian Tuxedo? Sometimes I wish I could leave the house wearing lavish and outlandish outfits without people questioning my sanity, but I’d have to accomplish something in my life first. In a nutshell, isn’t that just confidence?\
Well, I took a random chance and ended going belly up. Still, wasn’t that better than me complaining about being busy or how much I like standing up and doing things? It’s like this became a Livejournal at some stage and nobody told me.
Till next time. XOXOXOXOXOXO.