Did Captain Planet teach me nothing about looting and polluting?

There’s a weird energy in the air around the office. We’re moving. The entire office is moving! Well, should I say that 99% of the company has moved and we’re some of the last few stragglers. It’s bizarre to be left behind, not because it isn’t marvellous (and it is. Instead of waiting for elevators it’s now as if we have our own chauffeur elevator service), but because it feels like we’re in a genre movie. I wouldn’t doubt you if you told me The Rapture had hit.

For the past week or so I’ve been roaming the halls and offices, scavenging. I’ve felt daring, mischievous. More than once I’ve heard the echoes of footsteps and ducked behind a pillar, waiting for them to abate. Checking where the cameras are, doing my best Solid Snake impersonation in my most profound ‘corporate espionage’ to date. Floor by floor I’ve scuttled, checking desks and drawers, fridges and freezers, scrounging for items of value and utility. Finding endless amounts of branded promotional products, DVDs, coffee table books, an old copy of Final Cut Pro.

To be honest, I’ve already thrown away most of what I picked up.

There have been a few neat discoveries though: An industrial stapler, with a hinge so powerful it echoes across the floor. A quarter of a bottle of Baileys Irish Cream, which is just as delicious as I’d remembered. Many, many packets of tea, assorted fruity flavours. Disposable cutlery, a perfect way to compensate for our insufficient cutlery supply at home (and with Friendsgiving coming up…). Yogurt, ice blocks, ice creams, frozen fruit and coconut milk. A sturdy new umbrella, which I actually sorely needed. Lastly, a tasteful desk lamp, left behind in the office of a higher-up.

Sadly though, tomorrow I’m gonna leave this all behind. I’ll miss the building, truthfully. Great facilities, an excellent coffee machine and comfortable furniture. The location has been amazing. Leaving home in the mornings I’m 25 minutes door to door (compared to 50 minutes come Friday). We’re right in the heart of the city, nestled amongst countless restaurants and stores. There’s a gym right across the road. I’ve been able to run to and from work, something less than likely with the new 10km commute.

The new building is beautiful, but remote. Perhaps even nicer, but getting there is a pain in the arse. Besides the longer commute, it’s right on the waterfront. While this sounds idyllic, winter is coming. It’s gonna be cold as fuck down there and with the wind, near uninhabitable in the darker months. The area is barren, with nothing but a Loblaws supermarket for sustenance. It’s a far cry from my five dollar chicken and salad specials. I’m gonna have to be a responsible adult again and pack my lunch.

As with any change though, it’s different and that doesn’t come without excitement. Things may have been pretty swell thus far, but who knows? Perhaps come Spring the grass will be greener after all.

Did I mention that the new office has a slide?


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