Out Of Office in every way.

Bizarre day at work. Today is moving day, as was foretold. It’s caused a peculiar sense of claustrophobia, which is weird seeing as there’s so much room. While there’s been work to do (and how), there’s this unmistakable feeling that the walls are closing in. We have our boxes of personal contents all ready to shift. My Tommy Wiseau bobblehead is sitting pretty, wrapped up in an errant Santa hat. My co-workers and I raided kitchens wherever we could in order to stock the new office. Apparently, seeing as the place was half empty before the merger, they have insufficient cutlery/plates for staff. It’s almost shameful, considering how much will be left here.

Today’s tasks have involved the following:

  • Taking a moon hopper for a joy ride around the floor. It’s far more exhausting than you’d think. You know that weird sense of swaying you get after sailing on a ship? While sitting perfectly still I can’t shake the sense that I’m bouncing up and down repeatedly. Is this my life now?
  • Eating old lean cuisines left in the freezer. I had one for morning tea and one for lunch. I then looked at the best before dates, both from 2014. I guess I’m going down with the ship.
  • We held a raffle for random swag that’d been left by our boss. I won the umbrella I so dearly had my eyes on. If they shut down the power before we leave, guess who’ll depart by self-defenestration, Mary Poppins style…
  • Scavenging for butter knives. We have insufficient cutlery for our Friendsgiving table. Bonus: A handy neon orange lettuce knife is coming along for the ride.

Oh look, the new tenants are already measuring up the office. It’s like the body is still warm but they’re harvesting the meat anyway.

Cheers folks. To death and rebirth.


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