More than one job? Well done.

Apropos of nothing, here are some things that have happened at various jobs:

  • When I worked in Media Ingest we had to ingest (basically upload) material and make sure all the details were correct in the system. There was a comments field where we could mention any anomalies, etc. In this job, we also had to QC a bunch of porn that we’d later ingest. At some point in time (and it may well have happened by now), somebody will discover that in the entry for Booty Island 3 the comments read “Some interesting concepts, but lacks the deep character development of the original.”
  • Setting up for a children’s party, they wanted to watch Spongebob. There were two TV remotes that looked near identical. “What’s the difference between them?” Asked a small child. I thought for maybe half a second and replied “They have different names.” I lifted the one in my left hand and said “This one’s Jeffrey” (the first name that came to mind) then raised the right and said “and this one’s Dharma” (thinking of Dharma & Greg for possibly the first time in ten years). Upon my brain catching up to my mouth, I realised any sane adult could’ve just heard “Jeffrey Dahmer”. These were not sane adults and as such it passed right over their heads.
  • One of the places I worked had a Friday night post work bar. It was great. Our management worked behind the bar and drinks were bottom dollar. $2 for a shot or beer. It was the company’s way of giving back. On the last night of my employment there, I felt like doing cartwheels down the hallway would be an excellent idea. It was all going fine, until my foot graced the side of a picture frame. I stood up, shaky from both booze and having been repeatedly upside down. I hurriedly adjusted the frame and noticed a security camera right above me. I stopped, deer in headlights, before realising that a) it wasn’t motion sensitive and b) it would’ve seen me all the way up the hall regardless. I quickly scampered out of there, realising that some of the last security footage of me in that job would have showcased my alcoholic athleticism. Is that basically a mic drop?
  • For one of my jobs, I worked in a small town. My boss and I lived together and he was probably my best friend down there. We’d both driven up to Auckland independently for a Pixies concert. We’d also both had a shit ton to drink. I was hanging out with a friend post-show and saw my boss taking a leak on a small shrubbery. As I saw him finish up, I called out to him. He lumbered over and gave me a hug, then shook my friend’s hand. Like a night dwelling animal, he heard something and his ears metaphorically perked up. He turned his head and dashed. I turned to my friend and said “So I guess my boss just pissed on your hand.”

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