Mmmmm, 64 slices of American cheese.

I don’t have anything fancy to talk about today, so how about a rousing round of Two Truths and a Lie? Sounds fun, right? Or was that my first lie? Your goal in each round is to figure out which is a lie.

Question 1:

  1. I played soccer as a child.
  2. I played basketball as a child.
  3. I played tee ball as a child

Question 2:

  1. I’m a New Zealand citizen.
  2. I’m a Canadian citizen.
  3. I’m a British citizen.

Question 3:

  1. I once finished the Mega Bite Burger Challenge at Rudy’s Bar and Grill in under 20 minutes.
  2. I once ate four steaks between two slices of bread.
  3. I once ate a whole-loaf sandwich on a plane.

Question 4:

  1. I watched all seven seasons of Gilmore Girls.
  2. I watched all eight seasons of Entourage.
  3. I watched all eight seasons of Weeds.

Question 5:

  1. As a teenager I often drank Smirnoff RTDs.
  2. As a teenager I often drank Scrumpy cider.
  3. As a teenager I often drank Famous Grouse whiskey.

Question 6:

  1. I’ve never seen Raiders of the Lost Ark.
  2. I’ve never seen A New Hope.
  3. I’ve never seen Back to the Future.

Question 7:

  1. I can’t dance.
  2. I can’t talk.
  3. I can’t sing.


Q1: Answer – 2. Tricky though. I never played basketball as a child, but I did play miniball. It’s basically basketball for wee kids. A smaller ball, lower hoop. I think I once saw a kid dunk it.

Q2: Answer – 3. I have some kind of Scottish heritage, so I think it’s pretty easy to apply for residency or something. I dunno, I’m lucky in that way. I just thought about it because of some dumb shirt that basically looked like this. Here I was thinking The Office was cringe-inducing.

Q3: Answer – 1. I’ve never done an eating challenge at a restaurant, but it’s always been one of my life’s dreams. I love food. I can eat a bunch. I’m not in any way a competitive eater. I guess that’s how I’d be my “better self”. Also Rudy’s is a dive bar extraordinaire in New York and I’m 100% certain this isn’t a menu item. They do give you a hotdog with every drink you order though.

Q4: Answer – 3. Oh how I wish the answer were 2. I wish I could take back all that time and had learned German instead or something. OH YEAH I do.

Q5: Answer – 1. I’m quite certain I drank my body weight in Scrumpy over the years (tagline: Quality the New Zealand Way). I liked RTDs (called coolers here), but given that I’d only get four for $10, I felt cheated by the cost:quantity ratio. This says more about me than anything else on this page. Famous Grouse was the first bottle of whiskey I bought and remains a font of wonderful nostalgia.

Q6: Answer – 3. Temple of Doom is still the only Indiana Jones film I’ve seen and I’ve been told it was the worst one by a considerable margin. At least until the chipmunks/fridge nuclear bunker monstrosity was released. To be fair, I only saw Back to the Future at the ripe age of 21.

Q7: Answer – 3. With all due respect to Genesis (however much respect you dictate that to be), I’m fine with my success in the first two areas. Singing is something I’ve always aspired to, but puberty was a bitch. All three activities are linked by one thing: Confidence. Mediocrity in any of the above can be assuaged somewhat by keeping your chin up, smiling and feeling good about what you’re doing. Singing, less so. Almost every time I’ve tried karaoke in the past ten years, I’ve wished I hadn’t. Like anything else in this section (and most things in general), the only answer to improve is practice.


I’ve run out of time. I’m not great at this game, but it’s a fun way to pass the time. This may not be the last you see of it. Ka kite ano!


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