I was at the office bar farewelling a colleague, chatting with a co-worker. She was talking excitedly about an upcoming date on Saturday. I’m into this kind of stuff, so I was listening intently. She’d decided she wanted to try a Dundas pub crawl and wondered if that was a good idea for a second date. I couldn’t help but reply emphatically. It was an awesome idea. Having a few drinks would mean conversation would flow pretty steadily. They could chat about what they were drinking, try different things wherever they went, share drinks, see how one another looked in different lighting. There’d be no end to interesting things to comment on, plus by being the one constant over multiple locations, it’d engender a familiarity and closeness. Best of all, your date would likely be in an open mood and communicate, freer to share so you could better gauge who they really were. I met one of my favourite Toronto people doing a Dundas pub crawl date, and while we didn’t have chemistry, we clicked as friends. It was perfect. I told her that I’d met a bunch of friends by dating them first.
She seemed disappointed. “I’d never want to date someone that I’d be friends with.” She replied. I visibly recoiled. People still think like this? “Why not?” I replied. “Well” she responded “if someone seemed like a friend type person, they wouldn’t be the kind of person I’d date.” “So” I said “you’re just looking for people to sleep with? That’s fine, no judgement.” She shook her head. “No, I’m looking for a boyfriend. Someone long term.” I quirked my head. “Then why wouldn’t you want to date someone you could be friends with? Isn’t that planning for the long term?” “Huh?” She replied. I went on “well if you’re friends with someone, you have things in common. You can do things together, enjoy each other’s company, y’know?” She nodded. “But if you date someone who you’re attracted to when they’re not the kind of person you’d be friends with, what do you do when you’re not fucking? Like, in between sex, food and sleep?” She paused. “Uhh.”
“And you’re looking for long term, right?” I started monologuing. “What happens after a year, when the honeymoon period is over? Two years? Five years? If you don’t like each other as people, how are you still gonna want to be together? Sex is great, it’s not worth just tolerating someone. When you want to get somewhere, do you just get in a car and drive? Or do you have some idea of where you’re looking to go? Instead of relying totally on street signs to guide the way, treating them as helpful indications that you’re heading in the right direction?” “I don’t drive.” She responded. “But do you want to get somewhere? Or keep heading in circles?” She sighed. “Yeah, I get it.”
“So” I inquired “are you looking forward to Saturday?” She nodded. “Yeah, it should be fun.”