I’m giving myself tonight off. I mean, I’m saying that at 8.30pm, so my benevolence knows some bounds. I’m in a bit of a rut creatively, mentally and emotionally at the moment. Life right now feels very much “going through the motions” as the end of the year looms. Moving at full steam ahead is seriously taxing my steam reservoir. I’m losing steam at a rapid rate and while I’d love to incorporate some crack about how steamed it’s making me, I ain’t even mad, yo. It’s not that everything is bad, it’s that everything is busy enough that it feels selfish to stand back and get perspective on the situation. It’d be the right situation in which to talk to my therapist, but with benefits slashed that’s a costly proposition. Instead, I’m gonna start listing statements (lists, an easy indication that I’m feeling creatively bankrupt) in the hopes that it works as some kind of soothing exercise. If I can’t easily have access to a therapist, maybe I can shoulder that burden.
- I got a raise today. I got called into an office with my boss who told me that I’d gotten a raise. She had a sheet with my old salary, the increase and my new salary. It boils down to an extra $600 or so a year before tax. That’s around $50 or so per month. $12.50 per week. $2.50 per day. $0.30 per hour. It seems like a negligible amount, but it’s also an increase in money for no extra responsibilities. It’s better than not getting a raise. Having a salary is better than not having one. Having a job is better than being unemployed. Things could be worse and that’s great.
- It’s pretty damn blizzardy outside. I’m in a warm house with central heating. I have a full belly, access to water, internet and electricity.
- I have at least 12 hours before I need to be back at work.
- I’m an independent person who likes taking care of my own things. While I have trouble accepting help (and a mountain of issues behind that), I know deep down that if I needed support it would be there waiting.
- My girlfriend and I put up our first Christmas tree together. It’s bright blue, adorned with a silver garland, red and green baubles, strange short single strands of iridescent tinsel and topped with a Star Lord figurine. It’s a beautiful mess, which couldn’t be a more apt for my girlfriend and I as a couple. We’re tickled.
- We leave for New Zealand in just over two weeks. I put together a birthday event for myself in early January and there are several friends living in Australia who’re gonna attend. Getting to see good friends is a bonus. Having other friends’ visits home coincide with mine is like hitting the jackpot.
- My ability to be in the right place at the right time worked wonders today. I walked in on free vegetables and dip, fruit, cookies and cupcakes on separate occasions. Why do I even buy food?
- My curse of static electricity also kicked in. Things that shocked me today included: A coat hanger, a pillar, my cubicle, a water tap, a coffee pot, the bathroom door and my boss’s desk. Living is hazardous.
- I’ve felt oppressed by the amount of Pawdcast work I’ve had to do lately. At the same time, there’s a tangible end result. As the episodes are released, they’re downloaded. People are actually listening. We have over 1000 downloads. Very occasionally we’ll get likes or comments from people we don’t know. If that isn’t a sign that we’re doing something right, that our time is worth it, well… It is.
And with that, I’ve hit the 30 minute mark for another day. Thanks for sticking with me through a purely unremarkable entry. I swear I’ll get my mojo back at some point. Until then, a special shoutout to whoever it was that read 25+ entries today. I hope you found something of value.