Negativity is one thing that ain’t in short supply right now. The solution? Positivi-tea!

As the January chill continues cool and unabated, so too does my semi-annual reclusiveness. It’s cold out and I don’t much feel like getting out there and being sociable. It’s fine, that’s why God created video games and subscription streaming services. Wait, what? That was Big Capitalism? Well I guess I know who butters my bread (a butter-ler of course). In any case, I don’t feel like doing anything and the unrelenting negative news running through my social media feed is doubling down on my desire to hermit up and ignore the world. What’s that you say? It’s time for a phoned in list of things I don’t like right now?

Happy to oblige.

  • You know that thing when you’re wearing pants and you pull them down to sit on a toilet seat? Then you pull them back up but the pocket with your wallet or phone twisted while you were seated? Then you try to reach into your pocket to grab said wallet/phone to reorient it but your hand can’t fit in that tight gap? So you’ve gotta grab the object with your thumb and forefinger to repeatedly pull it up and down while slowly turning it around or right out of the pocket? While concurrently you’re leaning your body to the side so your arm can have the necessary manoeuvrability to make it happen? Then someone looks at you and either gives you a raised eyebrow or asks you what you were doing, but the entirety of the explanation is too complicated, so you just tell them your wallet was twisted. Then they grunt affirmatively or nod like they understand , but as they walk away you can see their eyebrow raise anyway or feel the judgement radiating from them because apparently you’re the only person who this ever happens to. That thing.
  • Sharing a communal kitchen at work. It’s not that I don’t like sharing (except for me lucky charms. Hands off, trashbag!), but as always people are either accidental or intentional slobs. Especially in scenarios where the company has cleaning staff or a dishwasher. It sucks, because I get grumpy and monumentally passive aggressive. I’ll get pissed that other people don’t clean up after themselves, but fear of entering a prisoner’s dilemma scenario stops me from cleaning up after others. Thing is, the people who do this don’t care, so even if it’s not my problem it still feels like my problem. No matter what I do, I can’t win. I’ll resort to bringing my own cutlery, cups and plates and hand wash so I can stand back from the whole messy sink clusterfuck, but then I’ve gotta wash them in a sink stacked with dishes. Inevitably they’ll be blocking the drain, so I’ll have to move them out of the way otherwise I’m that asshole who filled the sink up with water.
  • Nazis in the White House. Also what the fuck does Putin have on Trump anyway? Have they made a number of shady profitable business deals, leading to a scenario where Trump fucks over the United States and gets rich in the process, then leaves the country in ruins while he leaves with his cash? Or is Putin just blackmailing him to sell out his country à la Black Mirror‘s “Shut Up And Dance”?
  • When people on a packed subway car refuse to sit down out of politeness to others. C’mon dude, sit your ass down. It means a fraction more room for everyone who’s standing.
  • Nazis outside of the White House, or anywhere for that matter.
  • A constant stream of emotionally overwhelming news on the internet. Feeling disempowered and insubstantial in the face of something so much larger than you.
  • Not drinking. Which in retrospect is probably a good thing at the moment.

Anyway, I just got a new kettle. Time for celebratory tea!


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