Though I did read a fun Trump/Shinra essay the other day…

With energy in short supply today, I’ve spent most of my waking hours watching more of the Pro Tour Aether Revolt stream. Given my current pendulum swing away from heavy socialising, it’s been the perfect way to pass the hours. I’m not overly familiar with an introverted framework, but I’m feeling it pretty heavily right now. Considering the sub zero temperatures outside, I’m not sure that’s such a bad thing. I’ve finally got the opportunity I’ve been seeking to catch up on TV, play video games and, I dunno, read? Thing is, all of my big shows have finished for the season and I’m not sure what I want to start. I have a ton of video games downloaded, but rarely the patience to get invested in the kinds of games I used to play. I was always into role playing games, but to get really stuck into them can be a massive time investment. Put bluntly, it’s tough to make a dent in an 80+ hour game in one and a half hour chunks. If I started a new Final Fantasy game, it would likely be the final Final Fantasy game I’d ever play.

Indecision paralysis seems the best explanation for why I’ve gotten so stuck into these Magic the Gathering streams. They’re dynamic, in that they change each time. Because of sheer statistics, even when someone’s playing a deck I’ve seen played before, the games won’t necessarily turn out the same way. It’s commentated in a language I speak fluently, I don’t need to learn new terms or stretch my understanding of concepts. There’s also momentum to the games. Even when faced with difficult lines of play, they seem to keep the pace up. It’s getting to the point where I’ve started to become familiar with the different players and decks, I’m developing favourites, cheering certain contestants on in my heart. Because of this, stakes have been introduced and I innately ascribe a protagonist and antagonist personality to each competitor in a match. A few surprises, questionable ref calls and total come from behind victories that’ve had me literally cheering. As I said yesterday, I get this sports thing a bit more now. Guess I can watch the finals during Superbowl tomorrow.

It feels weird to withdraw as I have, but it makes a lot of sense. I came back from a holiday overwhelmingly stuffed with social time. I returned to Toronto also feeling overly stuffed. I ate and drank a lot and my body’s reeling from the after-effects. It’s like a long term hangover. I feel sluggish and tired, less capable of tapping into those energy reserves I usually stockpiled. Cutting coffee has drained my usual manic enthusiasm and letting go of alcohol for the time being has sapped my social vitality. Finding it hard to be snappy, witty and vibrant on cue. There’s a kind of comforting confidence I normally carry that feels just out of reach. Without it, the energy I’d normally expend has an emotional component too. Frankly, it doesn’t feel worth plunging into a party atmosphere when I’d be more likely to hug the wall, then navigate how long I’d need to stay before I could leave.

Until I’m back to my usual self, bingeing on these tournament streams is a kind of Magic.

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