Foie grasshole.

I’ve never claimed to be a good person and anyone assuming the best of me would be left poorly shortchanged. Today I’ve been in a shifty mood, no idea why. In honour of this, I’m devoting today’s entry to the many petty moments I’ve had since rising.

  • This morning when I was readying to board the bus, there was a dude walking slowly with a cane. There was a line, but he was at the front just to the side of the queue. I saw him approaching as the bus was pulling up and decided to wait, to let him get on before anyone else. I noticed a woman in a yellow sweater approaching quickly from behind. She was walking around the line and barging anyone whose shoulders were too close. So I deliberately stepped out to the side and in her way, giving the man time to board. I could tell she was antsy but I was wearing headphones and pretending to be oblivious. I could sense her fuming from behind me. I felt immensely satisfied.
  • The entry to our bathrooms at work involve a double door system. There’s a door that leads into an intermediary room with a bin and hand sanitiser. This room has a door that leads you into the bathroom. Because the air gets pressurised in the little mid-room, you can hear when someone’s coming out from the bathroom. People are either oblivious to this air pressure thing, or don’t care. The result is usually walking into the mid room and both people getting spooked. So instead when I heard someone opening the door to the mid-room this morning, I stood stock still at the entrance to the mid-room without opening the door. When I say standing at the entrance, I was practically perpendicular to the door frame. The guy walked out and almost shot into the air Hanna-Barbera style. I refused to acknowledge his surprise and walked past him into the bathroom without saying a word. I smiled inwardly to myself.
  • My girlfriend and I are going to Montreal this weekend and we’ve been scouting for recommendations. A friend told us about a place with great brunches. When I was chatting to her later about unrelated stuff, she mentioned how excellent their menu was, making particular note of the foie gras. I’ve never had foie gras. It’s not because of anything ethical, I just haven’t had a ton of high end French cuisine. I thought about foie gras a little. I thought of how lucky I was to not have any dietary restrictions. Then my mind drifted to the notion that not only would it involve something dying for my meal, but suffering too. Then I was filled with this intense feeling of relief and satisfaction from having been born pretty high up on the food chain. If that has you riled up, keep in mind that if there’s an afterlife, I won’t feel so smug then.
  • I was first to the donut box at work today and had my pick. I quickly nabbed the only sour cream glazed donuts. I don’t particularly like donuts, primarily because of their soft, airy texture. The sour cream glazed variety are one of the few dense donuts that Tim Hortons stocks. I took a certain glee in thinking only of myself.
  • Two and a half weeks ago, an acquaintance had asked if she could leave two pieces of furniture¬†at our place overnight. They were moving and needed to store it somewhere that it wouldn’t get rained out. I said that was fine. A few days later it hadn’t been picked up, so I sent her a message to remind her. She didn’t respond. Another few days passed. I sent another message. She said she had plans to get it picked up and that she’d sort it. A few days later, I messaged again to check the status of it being picked up. This was a far cry from an overnight thing, which felt like I was being saddled with something because it wasn’t a priority to her. She didn’t respond. I messaged her again a day later. No response. I messaged her a day later and said that if she didn’t want it I was happy to put it curbside. She messaged back saying that her plans had fallen through and she had plans to pick it up. Finally today I messaged and asked her when it was getting sorted. She said she’d pick it up tonight. I said great and offered to help carry the stuff if she needed it. She arrived earlier than she’d said, which coincided with my dinner being plated. I took certain delight in sitting down for my meal, not coming out to help or even saying hello. I simply sat there enjoying my meal, satisfied that I didn’t have to lift a finger. It’s the little things, y’know?

And now that this entry is done with, I can go back to idly not giving a shit. Some days are better than others.


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