You ain’t seen nothin’ jetty

Greetings from cottage country. I’m splayed out on my belly, lying atop a dock. Or is it a jetty? What’s the difference? Is it a matter of protrusion? It’s certainly a matter of confusion. Who cares? I’m on holiday.

I’ve got a writing partner here with me today. She’s working on some comedy bits while I type. We’re chatting, discussing, thinking about wording and intonation. Well, she’s bouncing ideas off me anyway. It’s beyond idyllic here. This dock/jetty (I looked it up, I think it’s a dock rather than a jetty. I also learned that jetties are used to disperse currents and create a safe harbour for seafaring vessels (or since they need to disperse currents, maybe they’re sea fearing)) is idly rocking, and it’s absurdly pleasant. Our neighbours are whipping out on their stand up paddleboards, having a great time. We can see right across, it’s a gorgeous view.

Okay, cut to an hour and a half later. I didn’t get my writing done, ’cause we chatted a bunch instead. Now we’re back in the house, it’s a hive of activity. People are walking around clothed, in their undies or nothing at all. One of our pals walked in from the bunkie. There’s a great flow. People are chopping potatoes for some kind of hash. Someone else is frying stuff up in a pan. There’s some Big Chill style motown bursting out from a portable speaker. I’m getting repeatedly distracted, but I think that’s part of the process. Who knows? We’re on cottage time now, baby. Today’s writing has been a slog, not because I’m not enjoying it, but I’m having a hard time with stimulation overload.

We had a great night yesterday. We arrived, and the group who got there earlier were already a bunch of drinks in. I played catchup rather adroitly, and played darts at the same time. I won, somehow. The game itself wasn’t the hard part. See, I’m not a competitive person. I love cheerleading my opponent when they make good plays, but my opponent asked me specifically to trash talk her. I was puzzled, because I’m ever aware of the difficult line to walk when it becomes mean. I don’t like being mean. I tried, and I think managed to not destroy her very being. I did destroy her in the game though. This place is super stocked with board games, etc. Someone found a card game that was basically a forum to encourage intimate conversations, so we talked deep into the morning. I was somehow drunk enough for a nice deep sleep, and woke up grinning.

But now? Now it’s time for lunch. Catch y’all on the flipside!

I can’t afford to be here for a long time, I’ve got packing to do. Good times await

I’m a free agent now, baby.

I’ve got six days off and they’re all mine. I logged into my work email (bad call) and removed myself from a bunch of distribution groups (good call). I brought home my work coffee machine and plugged it in. So now we have an actual decent machine instead of just relying on the french press. I’ve been scatterbrained, moving between playing Magic, coordinating plans for the cottage weekend my girlfriend and I are going on with friends, and pulling out stuff to pack. Packing has yet to occur. I’ve had coffee and maybe insufficient food, so my mind is moving at 1609344 kilometres an hour. Need to pack clothes, food, booze, weed. It’s a cottage, so it’s not like we’ll die of exposure if we miss something. It’s gonna be rockin’, rollin’, reeling and Barbara Ann.

I got to clean out my desk yesterday and hoo boy, I’d hoarded a bunch of shit for a rainy day. I had a ton of disposable cutlery, etc. Straws, coffee stir sticks, knives, forks, spoons, chopsticks. I had varietals of sugar, white, brown, coconut, splenda. I had coconut oil and oatmeal packets. There were random bits of makeup I’d lifted from the old building after everyone else had left. Dental supplies from hygienist freebie bags. A Tommy Wiseau bobble head (that I gifted to a greatful co-worker). Paper towels, ziplock and plastic bags, gift wrapping. There was some prime stationary, a solid swingline stapler, tape dispenser, calculator, a bunch of promo pens and white out. Paperclips, bulldog clips, pushpins. Notepads and post-its. Manilla folders and notebooks. Also cardboard cutouts of Emily Deschanel/David Boreanaz & Tea Leoni. In short, lots of useful junk that has no place in my new job. Dumping it on the table for people to take was all kinds of cathartic.

Maybe in six days I’ll have enough time to digest the new Tool album. Is there ever truly enough time?

In terms of “enough time”, I’m hoping to finish this, get packing, maybe go to the gym, pick up vitamins and whatnot from the health store, and get a new bag of coffee for the trip. All in the next three hours. It’s not gonna happen, is it?

I’m gonna have limited internet connection over the next few days, but hopefully should be able to at least post updates. We’re going to a cottage, not an empty field.

You know what? I’m finished with this. I need the time. Catch y’all tomorrow.

As the wise philosopher Justin Timberlake once said, “Bye Bye Bye”

Last day in this job. Finally. Here’s the leaving message I wrote to my team, with obvious redactions.

Hi team.

I’ve been waiting for this day for some time. As all y’all know, it’s been many years since I’ve felt challenged by this job or enjoyed it, and I’ve devoted most of my energy to trying to leave it. Fingers crossed I won’t be fired from my new job immediately and come crawling back. Given my hubris, that’s probably inevitable.

*Cat Stevens’ “Father and Son” starts playing* (
ANYWAY. It hasn’t been all doom and gloom. We had some good times. Despite my big mouth getting in the way, I’m probably on good terms with most of you. I’ve seen many people come and go. It’s been odd, mostly.

I’m not gonna give words of wisdom, ‘cause that sounds like weird, condescending posturing. But here are some things I think could help in the job, take or leave them:

  • The 5th floor usually has the best free food. Take a walk up there sometimes just to check. It’s worth it.
  • The 5th floor also has the only freezer I’m aware of in the building. It’s in that narrow kitchen on the Eastern side of the floor.
  • If you’re ever unsure, ask questions. There’s no need to feel embarrassed to not know something. We’re all just faking it and hoping nobody notices. If you ask, you learn, then you know.
  • If you’re asking questions, don’t be afraid to ask for the “why” as well as the “what”. There are a lot of rules in a corporate environment, and it’s helpful to be able to discern which ones make sense, and which are totally arbitrary.
  • Email is great, but it also can lead to a lot of passive aggressive bollocks. It’s one dimensional conversation that lacks intonation or facial expressions. If it’s not important to keep a paper trail, and you can either call or talk to someone in person, you can often avoid a 15 email chain to get a simple answer. Also you get to chat with people, which is neat.
  • If you’re frustrated by another department, it can often help to ask them what their process is, so you understand why things aren’t working out. Oftentimes they’re just as frustrated with something up the chain and it’s not their fault.
  • Everyone we’re dealing with is just trying to do their job, and they’re all human beings. Don’t be afraid to be friendly. If we humanize one other, it’s a lot easier for us all to judge people by their intentions than actions. It often goes both ways, and will make your job flow that much better.
  • Mental Health is important. Take care of yourself. If you’re frustrated or need a breather, go for a walk. Have an hour nap in those green half-couch things in the atrium. If you want to have a bitch session with a co-worker, book a meeting room on another floor and vent. Don’t hold that shit in, it’ll only make you feel worse.
  • To that end, don’t be afraid to take sick days as mental health days. If you Just Can’t Do It, your managers will understand. They’re people too. Sometimes it’s all a bit much, and it’ll mean you can come back in fighting shape the next day. At absolute worst, they’ll ask you to come in, but maybe spread some stuff around to lighten the load.
  • Talk To Your Managers. You can be honest, and I’m sure it’s appreciated. I had a ton of mental health struggles this year, and mine was incredibly helpful with working around them.
  • I know that formal hierarchies and status differentials can be intimidating, but please remember that someone does not become a more functional human as they earn more money. It’s all bullshit, we’re all people, and everyone’s a unique mess.

That’s probably a long enough lecture for now. I’d shed a tear or two, but being stuck in this job made me miserable. I went on anti-depressants and the one side effect is that I can no longer cry. It’s strange, but better than struggling with the weight of the world every day.

So long!

There’s still time, I could be heroes!

Today’s been busy, so I’m gonna rely on some tried and true bullet pointing. Who’s in?

Here are some things I liked about today:

  • I watched this video about an influencer saboutaging a dumb reality TV dance show first thing in the morning. It kind of made my day.
  • I woke up 20 minutes before my alarm.
  • When I walked into the front of the atrium to grind my morning coffee, I stood on the glass platform as I usually do. I looked down, and realised that there was a self-contained glass box underneath me that never gets cleaned, as evidenced by the weird big mess that was there. Like a coffin for spills. I like finding out new stuff.
  • I got to get out for a lunchtime jog today.
  • Five people waved back to me on my jog today.
  • I saw a dude walking three huskies.
  • One of my co-workers used the word “delineation” in a meeting.
  • I got to chat with a longtime DV person, and she had a bunch of interesting stuff to say.
  • Another of my co-workers introduced me to K.Flay and her album Solutions. It was a fun listen.
  • I got to eat strawberries at work, which rarely happens. It’s not even that I like strawberries much, but I do like variety.
  • I ran into a guy I’d done a bunch of job applications for and got to tell him about my new position. He seemed genuinely very stoked for me.
  • I listened to half an episode of Netflix’s Daredevil so I could witness its Described Video. The DV was astoundingly good, even if I’ve long since given up on the show. Not only was it beautifully worded, but they found a fantastic balance between the dialogue and descriptions. The DV in particular is important, ’cause the show’s about a blind superhero. A+++, would recommend ‘watching’ with your eyes closed.
  • I drank a can of clamato that’s been sitting in my drawer for fuck knows how long, and it hadn’t gone off yet.
  • It was my penultimate day in this job.

Things that I liked less about today.

  • We started the day with a shitty meeting that was shitty. Nobody was particularly impressed by it.
  • The meeting sprawled into a bunch of extra work throughout the day and my schedule got totally blown out. I’ve been playing catch up all day.
  • The strawberries, while novel, were not very good.
  • I’ve had fewer poops than usual. Like, a normal human’s quantity of poops.
  • The TTC car I boarded was stuck between stations for maybe ten minutes. I had a podcast to listen to, but it still wasn’t ideal.
  • It was really sunny, so my jog was extra exhausting.
  • I hit a bunch of stop lights on my jog, which meant it took longer. Technically this gave me a bunch more breaks though, so that was kind of nice.
  • I still have an entire day at this job.


Mel Gibson ain’t a fan. But who needs fans like that?

What’s Ned Flanders’ favourite brand of sunglasses? Okillys!

For no good reason, today I remembered something from high school. There was this girl that we all had a crush on. She was super cool and disaffected. Really pretty, long brown hair and almond shaped eyes. When I say that we all had a crush on her, I mean it. You know that stereotype of teenage girls excitedly tittering about the quarterback? We were those tittering teenage girls about her. ZOMG it’s mufti day, did you see what she’s wearing? That kind of stuff. Anyway, we were doing speeches for English class. She wasn’t in my class, but one of my friends told me he saw hers. She did her speech on Nelson Mandela, which was a neat subject. He was a cool dude. But she did a real half arsed job and didn’t really know how to finish. Instead she played Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor” on a boom box and danced a little bit. Weird, and maybe more than borderline inappropriate. Incongruent enough that as soon as my friend told me, my crush on her instantly died. Simple as that. No more tittering.

In writing that out, I didn’t think I’d type “tittering” half as many times as I did.

Ugh, I used to love doing speeches at school. It was by far my favourite assignment. I was big into public speaking, considering that I spent all day talking shit in class anyway. I think I mostly liked making jokes, and it was an ideal opportunity to do so. I don’t fully remember my speeches from primary school. I did one about books that I kind of phoned in. It wasn’t my proudest work. I do remember getting a kick out of writing my barmitzvah speech, and figuring out metaphors with the rabbi. The friends I invited didn’t understand anything about Judaism, but they did enjoy pelting me with candy as I walked the Torah around the room. As is tradition.

I distinctly remember doing a fun speech during my ‘campaign’ for Deputy Head Boy in highschool. We all knew who was gonna win, so I tried my aim for silver strategy. I spent the whole time doing basically a stand up set. I leaned heavily on my best friend’s suprise campaign-

Which went a little like this:
“Hey bud” he said to me as he arrived at my front door to walk to school “I put up the posters”. I blinked. “Posters?” “Yeah” he replied “for your campaign”. Cue me walking into school, people coming up to me saying “oh man, love the posters. I’m voting for you for sure.” I saw one of the posters containing the image of an elderly Hasidic Jew and in bold: I’D VOTE FOR A JEW. WOULDN’T YOU?

-and really talked up my latent Judaism. I harped on about losing the Nazi votes, but hoping I could make it up with people proving they weren’t Nazis by voting for me. I didn’t win. Maybe I should’ve ended that one with Destiny’s Child’s “Survivor” and a little dance. Who better to claim the title “Survivor” than the Jews?

If I retconned every memory I had of giving a speech to have ended with that song, would that be the Mandela Effect at work?

I guess Talk Like A Pirate Day is only three weeks away

It’d been a long time since I last helped host a party.

My girlfriend’s birthday is tomorrow, and she wanted to have a weekend get together in lieu of a big shindig. An “open house” was her idea. Welcoming a big group of people to stop by any time between 11am and 11pm for as long as they liked. A quick drop in hi? Perfect. A lengthy, leisurely hello? Also perfect. Time spent with friends, food and drink. Firing up the barbecue whenever people wanted to eat. Grilled meats and veggies, tons of chips. Mixers and spirits to share. Non-compulsory potluck style, people could bring whatever they wanted to share if they so wished. A neat idea.

It was fantastic in execution too. Nobody showed up until the afternoon, and numbers never got overwhelming. There was a natural flow, with people coming and going as they desired. When it started getting a bit loud inside, we shuffled everyone out to the backyard. We got the grill going and tossed on some sausages. Music played from her computer to a portable speaker. We plugged in a lamp once things got dark. We improvised as we went, and it all worked out. There was tons of food for everyone, and an abundance of leftover chips. A few friends brought booze and happily offered it to others. When things got cold we grabbed them our clothes/blankets/onesies to borrow.

I was in my element. My fervent hope was that my girlfriend could stand back from hosting duties and spend time with her friends while I took the reins. I wanted to take care of our guests and make sure they had everything they needed. I got to have a bunch of drinks and cater it up. If people needed drinks, I made sure they knew all their options. I tried to keep food flowing, putting new sausages on the grill once others came out. We had a butterflied jerk chicken that cooked up beautifully. I somehow walked the fine line of considerate intoxication. It was fun having a ton of tasks. Moving between the grill and the kitchen, checking our glassware supply, keeping a steady stream of clean dishes. Dropping in for a drive by pun or joke, keeping conversation flowing. I got to do all the hosting I wanted, while still enjoying the hell out the get together.

I wonder what excuses I can come up with to have another party…

“Grims” for short

If there are two things I love, they’re food and words. If there are three things I love, delivering on promises probably makes it in.

I did it friends, I finally bought a bike.

Every year in Toronto it’s the same cycle (no pun intended, honestly [really? -Ed]). I’ll trudge through the winter muck, and think about a time where I could be speeding through the streets of Toronto, taking shortcuts and doing sweet jumps. I tell myself this year. This year I’ll finally get a bike. I could get around the city so quickly, keep fit, stop paying exorbitant amounts for a metro pass each month. Spring transitions to Summer, and I feel like I’ve lost my chance. It’s too late, I should’ve bought one already. If I get it in Fall, I hardly get to use it at all. So I tell myself next year. Next year I’ll finally get a bike.

I got my goddamn bike. His name is Grimsby and I love him.

I’ve been loosely planning to go shopping with my friend for a while. He’s been a bike mechanic off and on for years. Loves bikes. Bikes everywhere. He knows what to look for in a bike, all the factors to consider when buying one. He knows the places to go, he has connections and understands the parts intimately. Yesterday we finally made it happen. I told him that my overall budget was around $500. I met him at this place on Spadina. He said they find really good second hand bikes and do them up. Very fair prices, and quality materials. He’d traded/worked with them on and off for the past decade. When I arrived, he’d already picked one out for me to look at. He said it was around $300. He told me about the frame, and how lightweight it was. He compared it with another $700 bike and said they were virtually identical, aside from one or two small details that could be fixed up. He checked the height and shape of the bike against my stature. We tested how much leg extension I’d get, whether I could stand up straight on the bike if I was stopped at a light. It looked to be a decent fit. He checked the wheel alignment and tinkered around a little. He said he wasn’t gonna send me out on a bike that he didn’t think was 100% safe. He went out for a ride and came back a few minutes later, tinkered a little more and adjusted various things. He showed me the gear system, which was unusual. It was this little toggle on the right side of the frame, not far from where my knee would rise up. He passed the bike to me, and I whipped around the block. It was great to be on a bike again. I wasn’t wild about the handlebars, a little more narrow than I was looking for. The bike weighed almost nothing, but I tend to prefer heavier bikes. Makes me feel settled on the road. I didn’t change the gears, but I tested how it’d feel to use that toggle. It was odd, I kind of had to hunch over. I didn’t like it. I brought the bike back to the shop and said it was okay, but failed the Marie Kondo test.

The owner popped up beside us and asked what I didn’t like about the bike. I said I was looking for something heavier. I liked the idea of gears, and would’ve preferred something on the handlebars. He pointed out a bike off to his right. Big purple thing. The owner walked away and let us talk. My friend took a closer look. He asked how much it was, the owner said $500. My friend checked whether or not I’d be okay going over budget. I said I’d consider it. He peered closer at the bike. There was a gears system on the handlebars. Eight speed. He glanced at the gear system, then looked back. He checked the breaks. “Drum brakes” he said, as if I knew what that meant. He turned to me and whispered “these wheels are worth more than that last bike”. We measured the bike up to see if I liked the feel. It was a very comfy bike, and the height was much better than the last one. Heavy bike, which I was looking for. It had a rack over the back seat, to which I’d be able to affix a basket or something. The handlebars were wide, and I could ride in a relaxed position. He did some checks, then took it out on the road. He came back and passed it to me. I sat on and started pedalling. It felt like I’d owned the bike for years. I tried some curb jumps, messed around with the gears a bunch. It was perfect. I brought it back and told him what I liked, and what I thought could use some work. He chatted with the owner, who said the price was a flat $500. My friend told me a little about bike theft, how common it was to get wheels and seats stolen. He said there were options. I could get multiple locks, a solid one for the back, and a lighter one for the front. He also mentioned a pinhead system, which would make it extremely difficult for thieves to take your wheel on the fly. The store had one, the owner said they were $70. My friend haggled a bit, and asked how low he could go if I bought the bike. He got him down to $50, then saw a pinhead package that included seat security. Seatcurity? He asked the owner if $60 would be appropriate? The owner grabbed a bell and a few lights, said he’d throw them in for me. Cash only. I went to the bank and withdrew $500 (my max daily limit) and combined it with the $65 I had in my wallet. I had $5 cash left for the rest of the day.

We walked out, and my friend said the bike was worth about $1000.

We biked around, picked up a helmet, and I zipped off home. I blinked, and I was basically there. It took maybe 15 minutes for a ride that’d usually be 30.

Holy shit. It feels good to deliver on a promise.

iPod, iSaw, iCompared

It’s 2019. I did not expect that I’d be struggling to buy an mp3 player.

My ipod classic shat the bed, and it’s gonna cost $450 to fix. It cost $350 to buy, so this seems like a big stretch. It’s probably the fourth ipod I’ve owned in the past 15 years. I use them all the time, 1-2 hours daily. I’m not kind to my electronic devices, and that’s clearly shown in the life expectancy of my gadgets. With an ipod, there was so much I didn’t need to think about. Since it was the market leader, the proof was on them to make a solid product that was easy to use. I didn’t love going through itunes, but it worked. Everything was categorised and simple to scroll through. I liked the tactile, physical nature of the product without touchscreen. I could operate it without looking. It sounded good, and was surprisingly robust. I could take it to the gym, and it weighed enough to not constantly bounce around. The UI was excellent, and while I didn’t use most of the features, I didn’t have to. It just worked.

With my ipod dead, I’ve had to do my research on figuring out what to buy next. For the past few months I’ve been using my phone. I hate it. It’s too bulky, and fits awkwardly in workout clothing pockets. I don’t have an online music subscription, primarily because my internet connection isn’t reliable. I want something with a huge storage capacity, so I can curate what I want on there, but also don’t have to worry about filling up any time soon. I’ve had so many issues with my ipod over the years, and it’d be kind of cool to have removable stuff so I don’t need to throw the baby out with the bathwater. Removable batteries, storage, etc. That way I can just get a new microSD card instead of having the whole unit repaired for hundreds of bucks. I want something sturdy and rugged, physical controls rather than touchscreen. I want a decent battery life of around 10-15 hours per charge. I want 200+ gigs of storage. I want a UI that’s functional, easy, categorises by artist, album and whatnot, taking ID3 tags into account. If I’m stuck with a file tree to navigate, that’d feel clunky and undesirable. I want a player that sounds good. I’ll most likely just be using mp3 320kbps. It’d be too much work to start getting FLAC by this point. Still, to my untrained ears 320kbps plus my M50x headphones should be good enough. Who knows, maybe I actually try buying a good pair of earbuds for active work like running or gym stuff. I don’t want apps, internet connectivity or wifi. I want something that runs as a self-contained unit, that just plays music and does it well. I’m sure that’s not too much to ask.

And yet, holy hell it’s a lot of work navigating the landscape. There are things like the Sandisk Clip that would be perfect if only it had expandable storage. The FiiO III Mark 2 looks like exactly what I want, but it only supports storage up to 120 gigs. The FiiO III Mark 3 doesn’t have the same weight or size as the Mark 2, which is disappointing. But at the same time it’s still an all tactile, non touchscreen unit, plus it handles larger expandable memory. The UI is apparently a little slow. The HIDIZ AP80 has so many features that I like. It can hold up to 1 TB of expandable storage. It’s a little smaller and dinky than I’d like though. Apparently the UI is functional, but it’s all touchscreen with tiny onscreen buttons. My fingers are not diminutive. Then there’s the Ibasso DX50, which looks like it mostly has everything I want. It’s a tactile unit with decent weight. It has up to 2TB expandable storage. The battery is user replaceable. But I can’t find any in Canadian stores. It’s gonna cost a mint to import from the USA. Apparently the software is a little sluggish, but if I can find one that works, maybe that’ll be the go. I spent hours last night looking up models, comparing specs, figuring out how one of these units would fit into my life. I even made an excel spreadsheet to help make my decision.

It’s almost enough to make me want to resurrect my dead ipod once more.

As always, my survival method is to beer and grin it

Let’s get at it.

Holy hell I drank a lot last night. I’m lucky that I got to the work party several hours late. Had I arrived at 2pm, with an open bar, I’m sure I’d be in worse condition today. Yeesh. Counting it back I had seven strong Belgian beers between the hours of 5-11pm. One beer per hour. That’s far more than I’m use to having on a school night. As it stands, I still felt not great this morning around 5am. I had a headache, and I was mildly dizzy, overheated, etc. Usual hangover symptoms. I took some ibuprofen, drank some water and hoped for the best. Instead I just felt poopy for a few hours, and eventually drifted back to sleep.

Since weed was legalised, I’ve been getting hangovers far less, supplementing the usual large assortment of drinks for a couple of tokes. Maybe this has been a blessing, having heard just how much worse hangovers get in your 30s. I still woke up before my alarm, and rallied to overcome my ailment. More ibuprofen, kimchi, electrolyte water and stocky porridge. It helped. Coffee this morning hammered in the last of my support structure and I’ve been right as rain. Considering the number of co-workers that came in with dark glasses this morning, I think I got off lightly.

Right now I’ve got a can of coke chilling in the freezer several floors up. Much as I’d like to work in a different building, the fact that my new job keeps me in a place I know is actually kind of helpful. Like in this scenario, I know that 90% of the fridges do not have freezers. But I also know that the eastern mini kitchen on the 5th floor does. My timer is set, and in a few minutes I’m gonna run up there to get an ice cold can. There are interesting ins and outs in this building. Pecularities that I’ve stumbled upon, and should make this transition a lot simpler for me than my future co-workers. I know where the meditation rooms are. I know which floors are more likely to have free food hanging around. I know the secret rooftop seating areas and balconies. I know about the bike lockers and showers. Even though it sucks to have to work all the way down the bottom of town, with nothing but condo developments around, at least I’ve got the run of the place in my head. Small mercy.

I had my first training day yesterday and egads, this job is hard. You wouldn’t think it was that difficult to narrate what’s happening onscreen, but it’s a lot. You need to find the right spot so as not to talk over dialogue. It’s all improvised, no scripts. Someone picks up a pillow and jokingly “smothers another character”? Wait for the laughs, then say “the woman grabs a couch cushion and places it on the man’s face”. It sounds simple. In the moment though, there’s a bizarre kind of pressure. It was literally my first time ever doing it yesterday, and I did not do a great job. It’s fine, I didn’t expect to. I imagine that I’ll shit the bed for a while, and probably do a Rocky montage of narrating people’s behaviour for a while to get in fighting trim for my first day. I can’t emphasize how exciting it is to try something new that I’m bad at. I love progress, becoming incrementally more masterful day by day. This is a fresh skill set, it’s different and unfamiliar. I’m thrilled to get a chance to learn it right from the start, then one day look back at how green I was. Until then, I’m gonna have to eat metaphorical dirt.

Speaking of which, it’s time to get to my training.

Welp, I tried and failed, and we’re all gonna die for our sins. All in a day’s work

Weird timing today, I’m getting writing in whenever I have the chance.

First day of training. It’s pretty exciting to be surrounded by a bunch of audio geeks again. Instant rapport with all of them. They’re friendly, positive and welcoming people all with a range of experience. Some come from composing, there’s a lifelong radio guy in there. Another is a year out of college. All have been freelancing for some length of time. I get the feeling that it’s gonna be a solid group. Training has run into technical difficulties, and while we’ve gone over a lot of the theory, practice is yet to come. We’re on a lunch break right now. I’m glad I at least opted for both training days. As it stands I’m still getting paid, so it’s not all bad. Still, I’m itching to get into the booth and voice. It’s funny, I was so stoked to get back to audio work, and now it’s the allure of learning the ins and outs of descriptive video that has me buzzing. There’s so much to consider and a heap to learn. What kind of stuff is best to focus on? How do we best illustrate for those who have visual difficulties? What language and terminology is appropriate?

Fast forward to a night spent drinking and chatting. I aired my grievances with the rest of my team. It’s a transitional thing, which means people will be left behind. One of my ‘girls’ had diarrhoea today. She was too embarrassed to walk to the pharmacy and ask what medication would be appropriate, so I did it for her. I figured I could take 15 minutes of my day to make hers better, so I did. I dropped the medication on her desk without saying a word, then got back to my work. I didn’t mention it the rest of the way. A few of us chatted, but moved on. There’s been a very clear hierarchy in our group for a while. As an employee, I know how meaningless this whole hierarchy is. We sat at different tables at different parts of the bar, if that wasn’t flagrant enough. The hierarchy and clique-iness wasn’t apparent enough by desk structure, apparently. It’s fine, my fellow plebs and I had our bitch session in any case.

I got locked into a conversation with a conservative middle class white boy for two hours. I know I’m a white boy from a middle class upbringing. That said, holy shit what a narrow minded dipshit he was. It’s hard to totally fault him, because he was 23. This was his first job, and he was convinced he knew how the world worked. We talked about homelessness, guns, taxes and education. I’m imagining y’all can guess how well that went. He said that guns were an I’m important liberty as part of the framework of the U.S.A. I asked him how many shootings he thought there’d been in the past year. He said 24, and said that was an acceptable number. I don’t know if he was aware that there’d been at least one per day in the past year. He gave me my condolences, as he understood that NZ was a hotbed of mass shootings. This well informed white 23 year old whose life aspirations were getting a wife, home and jet ski. What an ignorant piece of shit.

The hard lesson that I think I learned. No matter how much I tried to work through any of these ideas, and how inherently problematic/selfish they were, nothing got through. He was locked into his way of thinking. Believing 100 homeless deaths per year were entirely acceptable, with a true faith in a merit based system that didn’t account for people who didn’t have family based safety nets. I asked him, have you ever been bailed out? Then followed that track right the way back to how it would emotionally effect him situation by situation. His excuse each time was “I’d just work harder”. So naive, such a common viewpoint. It’s understandable why we’re so fucked. Still, oddly enough he said he was an NDP voter.

Weird timing? Maybe it was just a weird day.