Well, I did it. I got through three hours of cinematic cinema (I’m a Writer and don’t you forget it) without having the movie spoiled.
So now I’m about to unload massive spoilers. Given the sheer importance of corporate ownership tied up in the Marvel Cinematic Universe and its various franchises, certain characters got left off the table in Endgame. Disney owns Marvel, it owns Fox, and it has the rights to certain Spider Man characters (I’m assuming the Homecoming ones anyway). I was quite surprised not to see any of the following characters in any of Endgame‘s many many hours:
- Magneto: It just makes sense, right? Magneto is Scarlett Witch and Quicksilver’s dad. They’re mutants. Wouldn’t Infinity War be a great time to see this all powerful mutant introduce the X-universe to Thanos and his team?
- David Haller (Legion): Fox owns the excellent show Legion on its FX brand, and since Disney owns Fox why not bring the high tier reality shaper and superhuman David Haller into the mix? Wouldn’t that make for some fun, creepy scenes? Dr Strange has weird mystical magic, is this such a stretch?
- Silver Surfer: As used in the much maligned Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer. Marvel’s going all in on the trippy 70s cosmic stuff, why not bring in the Herald of Galactus to wield the Power Cosmic in defence of Terra Nova? Maybe he’d also herald a non-shit Fantastic Four script in the future.
- Nick Fury: Anyone else remember the classic 1998 Nick Fury: Agent of SHIELD? Starring none other than Baywatch babe David Hasslehoff himself? Alternate universes and stuff are big in Marvel (House of M, anyone?), bring in the old guard to help clean house and sweep the floor with any remnants of Hydra.
- Squirrel Girl: Fan favourite Squirrel Girl could’ve had a hell of a Girl Power moment taking down Thanos with hordes of squirrels. IT WOULDN’T BE THE FIRST TIME. What’s more, it’d teach children that with love (and an army of fluffy rodents), anything is possible.
- The Incredibles: We just had The Incredibles 2, and we know they have the mettle to go toe to toe with villains of all stripes. They’re bonafide super heroes with great family values. It’d be an excellent chance to capitalise on corporate synergy with their Pixar arm, and there was so much CGI in Endgame that they wouldn’t have seemed that out of place. Am I wrong? Jack Jack could’ve given Thanos a run for his money.
- Mulder and Scully: Look, the X-Files got a revival last year. Everyone loves Gillian Anderson and David Duchovny. They’d add steamy will they/won’t they tension the film was sorely lacking. Plus there are SO MANY aliens in the MCU, why not bring in extraterrestrial/cryptid/ghost experts? They’re great investigators and no stranger to combat situations either.
- Super Buddies: In one of the multitude of direct to video Air Buddies sequels, they got super powers. If they weren’t gonna bring in the X-universe, they already had a budding (sorry, Buddy) psychic in yoga dog Buddha. Disney owned the rights, why not do a crossover and rekindle the beloved Air Bud Cinematic Universe with a feature in the MCU? It makes too much sense.
- The Bash Brothers: Audience favourites from the much loved D2: The Mighty Ducks. When they’re on the ice, they’re practically unstoppable. Why not bring in Keenan Thompson to knucklepuck the fuck out of Thanos and his cronies?
- Bart Simpson: The 90s It Boy himself. Aren’t we all clamouring for a scene where Captain America walks into a darkened corridor with scant lighting and whispering shadows? He spies a shadowy figure turned away, sitting quietly. Cap calls out “who goes there?” The seat slowly turns, diffused light casts down on a young man’s yellow face. A voice replies “I’m Bart Simpson, who the hell are you?” Why else would Disney have purchased Fox, if not to make dreams of the perfect crossover come true?
Look Disney, I’m happy to hear offers. Just give me an MCU already.