Who’s ready for a “dating” entry?
Contrary to how it may sound, I don’t date a lot. I love dating. I love consuming dating or relationship adjacent content. I love inserting myself vicariously into romantic situations and imagining how I’d deal with them. I think dating is this wondrous intersection of a ton of things I’m interested in. I’m fascinated by interpersonal connections and compatibility. I’m enthralled by banter, whether I’m in it or not. I like seeing people being playful, and dates are this combination of playfulness with having skin in the game. There are stakes, albeit quite low, and maybe it’s because those stakes are so low that I get sucked in. I don’t like competition, either as a participant or audience. I don’t believe in the concept of winning or losing in romance. There’s this hetero concept that shits me to the core of “taking” something from someone else in a date. Often it’s the idea of a guy “winning/earning” sex. That’s fucking dumb. Either you both want to have sex, or you don’t have it. If you’re not both into it, go get your rocks off with other people who want it. Sex doesn’t exist within a scarcity model. It’s not a limited resource, and stop treating it like it is.
It’s also easy for me to sit back and say that now. Ten years ago I had a completely different outlook. I think I was a virgin until I was about 20. I had limited experiences with sex, but basically after maybe one or two times in my first relationship, I didn’t have sex again for about three years. I wanted it, other people weren’t interested. Back then, I definitely thought the scarcity model existed. These days I’m older. I’ve had a ton more relationship experience. I’ve had exponentially more sex. It doesn’t feel like something that’s lacking, but more value added. Most importantly, I’ve been imbued with a renewed confidence that’s made dating so much easier. I’m on anti-depressants, and that’s been a massive change. I love my job, so I don’t have that mentally damaging psyche going on at all times. I like myself, I feel like a complete, self-possessed person, and it’s nice to see how I fit with others. I’m not trying to take anything from anyone, I just want to share experiences.
Tonight, for instance, I have a date. I’m excited. I have no idea how it’s gonna go. We met at an event, we flirted, made out and exchanged numbers. It might be a date that goes nowhere. It may lead to more dates. It may lead to sex but not more dates. It may lead to more dates and more sex. I’m not worried which it is. I know that I liked hanging out with her last time, that she’s cute and interesting. If we have a fun conversation, that’s great. If we have sex, that’s great too. If we don’t, and it turns out we were just hot for each other because we were drunk? Also 100% fine. We can have a nice meal, a margarita or two, and go our separate ways. I’m not invested in the outcome, other than being present and seeing what happens. It’s taken me many years, lots of anxiety, emotional breakdowns, and bad experiences in general to understand what the stakes are. Honestly, worst possible outcome at the moment is she gives me COVID-19. Bad end.
Also as an addendum to something I wrote yesterday. I was talking about having conversations with gay guys, and eventually dating them. I highlighted dating a Magic player as a possibility. Firstly, it’s not like only dudes play Magic. My first girlfriend did too. It’s how we met, and that part of the relationship was great. I also realised that while I’d love to date a Magic player, I have a legit fear of dating a Magic player who’s significantly worse than I am. That would be a fucking horrorshow. Imagine having to constantly explain shit about the game without being condescending? Imagine having to take the game slow, or teach someone about limited? Playing this game is a big part of my life, and making something I love into a chore would actually be a total nightmare. I would exponentially rather date a non-player than having to deal with experience inequality on that scale. I’m not defending this, but it’s 1000% true.
Nobody’s Nerfect, y’know?