2018 has been so long that I forgot I did keto this year.
Today has been so long that I’m about ready to fall into bed and I haven’t even left for this evening’s party. Between waking up early, playing hours of Magic, getting lost in time at the gym, skyping my parents, going out to a local spooky bazaar and eating for the last time at a beloved neighbourhood establishment, today has somehow still not ended. Egads, just egads. My mind has already left my body for the evening, so here be snippets.
Update re: work White Elephant exchange. It sucked. They changed the rules so that if someone stole your gift, you then had to open a new one. You couldn’t counter-steal someone else’s gift. This meant that nobody could form alliances and coups, the strategy left the game and instead it put the power in the hands of whoever went last. Since someone couldn’t steal back, once there was only one gift remaining, they had their choice of any gift at the table. They could steal someone’s gift and force them to open the last one. Game over. There ended up being maybe three or four steals over the entire game. It was mugs and portable speakers all the way down. I ended up with a talking Elf (Will Ferrell film) Bobble Head. Having neither seen the movie or enjoyed the actor, I gave it away. We stayed and drank A Lot. It washed away the stink of the bland White Elephant, and I dawdled home via the liquor store and a greasy spoon diner I’d never tried. All in all, success was had.
There’s a job I want to apply for, but I don’t entirely have the credentials. It’s gonna be an uphill climb, so I’ve decided to put in an absurd effort and make it special. It’s a creative job, so my application has to be doubly creative. At the moment I’m thinking of writing a letter to the hiring manager (a guy I’ve met with before) from my personal email address. But it’s gonna be a letter From The Future. I don’t know the exact beats yet, but I’m thinking something along the lines of Hey man, it’s me from the future. I just wanted to say thanks for hiring me back in January 2018. I know it didn’t seem like I was ready, I mean, who applies for a serious job with an Air Bud parody film trailer? Remember how nervous I was? I can’t believe what you saw in me. Even know I still recall your exact words. “I think people have the capacity to surprise you if you let them, and there’s something about you I expect will keep surprising me for some time.” It meant a lot. I mean, we even had physical bodies back then. Crazy, eh? Oh wait, you’re still in that timeline. Oh man, you all haven’t even been bought by Amazon and commuted to their sky palace offices yet? Geez. I know what you’re thinking, ‘won’t this mess up the space-time continuum?’ It’s okay, we’re fine. We both know that you go on to hire young me. So as long as you do that, we’ll be totally fine. I mean, if you don’t the world will plunge into the depths of an apocalypse it’ll never wake from, but no worries, right? That’s not gonna happen. Anyway, just wanted to transmit a quick message to thank you once more. If it wasn’t for you, I wouldn’t be the digital DNA encoding I am today.
P.S. Obviously you can’t tell younger me about this. Space-time continuum and all that.
I’ll make it punchier, funnier and tighter than that, but it doesn’t hurt to get brain juices flowing. I’ve thought of potentially putting together a series of daily packages, with cryptic items. Maybe a floppy disk with my CV on it? A cassette tape with an audio recording of work I’ve done? A USB Drive with a bunch of files related to me. Then after a few days of it, apply from my work email address with my modern day application, feigning total ignorance of any “future” carry on. Will it get me an interview? I’d bloody well hope so. Is it a ton of work? Of course it is. Thing is, when you’re investing in your future, sometimes it pays to bet on the house.
As Phoenix would say, forever is a long long time when you’ve lost your way.