In a move that will surprise nobody, today’s entry is gonna be about pooping.
Look, I think pooping is really important. For years I had a really hard time with it. I’d find it physically painful at times to poop when I felt all clogged. I had a shitty (half intentional pun) diet that made things difficult. I just assumed that pooping was something frustrating, that straining and forcing things out was how it went. As a kid I’d sometimes get headaches from the exertion. If this sounds ridiculous, it was. If this sounds made up, it wasn’t. I was just terrible at doing the act. As a result I walked around feeling constantly bloated, heavy in my body and uncomfortable. It was no way to live, and it took me years to accumulate helpful habits to ease the process. If this sounds like a lot of pipe to lay, it was.
These days, a remarkable amount of my habits are based around improving my bowel movements. I’ve made it part of my life. As a result, I feel so much better. I’m not bogged down all the time. The act itself is fluid and simple. Honestly, when I go to the bathroom now, peeing at the end of a poop takes longer than the poop itself. Things just flow. It’s miraculous, and sincerely awesome. It’s hard to put into words how much it’s improved my day to day. I’m not even sure I needed this much preamble before getting into it, but who doesn’t love a little vamping?
Okay, so diet is obviously the biggest part of it. My fibre intake is off the charts. I drink a ton of water, and coffee gets in there too. It starts with breakfast. Most mornings I have oatmeal, which is already fibrous. In goes a scoop of ground chia seeds and a scoop of flaxseed, plus a banana. I generally have a cup of water with it to aid digestion. Next, coffee. I’ll usually go through 2-3 cups per day. Sometimes more. To compensate for all this diuretic, I’ll drink a ton more water. I probably consume around three or so litres a day? I also speak into a mic constantly for work, so I’m chugging all the time to stave off dry mouth. I’ll normally have a piece of fruit with a light lunch, to keep things flowing. At dinner time I eat a heap of veggies. A big mound of greenery, normally cabbage or broccoli, alongside carrots or something. I also ingest an absurd amount of kimchi all day long. Wonderful digestive bacteria plus cabbage, what could go wrong? Then right before bed, I have 2-3 capsules of magnesium citrate. It helps me sleep, but it’s also a mild laxative.
Look, I get it. I’m the crazy one. However, the butt doesn’t stop there. Technique is also part of it. We all remember the Squatty Potty commercial, right? Posture is important. If you’re sitting up, you’re doing it wrong. The easiest way to counter this is by getting a product like the aforementioned Squatty Potty, or a poop stool. Something that lets you put your heels up. If you’re more flexible (and/or deadlift/squat regularly), you can go without. I typically straighten my back, raise my heels and try to grab them. It puts me in an optimal position for things to flow. There’s no more straining, bloat or discomfort. I go more than regularly (probably 7-9 times per day), but each bathroom trip takes around 3 minutes including hand washing. As stupid as it sounds, all of this has dramatically improved my quality of life. I feel healthier, and no amount of awkwardness around the topic can detract from that.
Sorry/not sorry for the info dump.