Ever wanted to know what it’s like to be my Facebook friend?
I’ve been prolific with absurd puns/half baked jokes today (especially the one about pie). Frankly, I’ve probably spent most of my day doing it. This is what my feed looks like right now:
- At Jason’s birthday does everyone sing “Voorhees a jolly good fellow”?
- If there’s One Thing in this world that I know it’s by Finger Eleven.
- If you’re a long-haired domesticated bovid that likes burning lettuce pies, are you a pieromaineyak?
- Are there any puddings that are better dancers than tapioca?
- Considering the amount of tuna I eat, is my mercury always in retrograde?
- If you’re straight, is your mercury in heterograde?
- If you live downtown, is your mercury in metrograde?
- If you eat a high fat, low carb diet, is your mercury in ketograde?
- If you live in Volgograd, is your mercury in Stalingrad?
- Wait, if you’re a Russian dude called Peter, is your mercury in Pietrograde?
- If all these puns are upsetting your stomach, is your mercury in peptograde?
- If I stole all these puns from somebody else, would my mercury be in kleptograde?
- Has anyone considered remaking Maria Full of Grace with Chloë Grace Moretz in the starring role?
- I’m fine being late to the party, but being late to dinner peturbs me.
- If Nicolas Cage started a rap career, would he have a ghostwriter?
- If he was performing live, would his list of demands be his Ghostrider?
- If he created a barbershop group would it be called Not The Bees Sharps?
- If I ever hated the environment I’d get business cards printed with “Leon: The Professional”.
By this point, I’m practically sick from staring at screens. A co-worker’s appendix burst, so for the past week her work has been shared out amongst the three surviving team members. She might be patient zero, but seeing as it’s Thursday of the second extra workload week, my patience might be at zero. Halloween starts in earnest (though likely Scared Straight, if any of them) tomorrow and I managed to finish my costume last night. Tomorrow couldn’t come soon enough. I’m ready to let go and blow off all my steam.
I wonder if Jason’s up to anything tomorrow…